KISS

It's funny how the will to blog is stronger as exams draw closer. It's not only me, there's this other classmate whose blog has increased in activity by tenfolds. My first paper is in 2 days, and needless to say i'm scared shitless. As if i'm not panicky enough, in an extra class for a subject yesterday the lecturer came up with the pass/fail statistics for the previous two tests. The passing rate for the first test was something like 0.97% i think. No, you didn't read it wrong. The second test was decidedly easier, but leave it to me to use totally different formulas for one of the questions. Then, to add insult to injury the lecturer decides to hand out the papers in class by categories: excellent, pass, fail. I didn't bother collecting my paper.

So that's the main contributor to the crumminess i've been feeling. In truth, i've been feeling crappy the past few days already, but this incident hit the nail on the head. I've always felt pressured when it comes to exam season 'cause, through no fault of theirs, classmates tend to send me into a panic frenzy. "What are they talking about?" "Why haven't i heard of this?" "I've never seen this formula!" and so on. So i hole myself in my room, or sit in one corner in the library, far away from the rest, only occasionally walking over to ask questions. This is reminiscent of my first semester in uni, which was the worst semester academically for me thus far. Not a good omen.

Again coffee has been my main companion these past few weeks or so. Though the marshmallows are gone, and recently the milk's all used up too. So now i've resorted to drinking just black coffee, no sugar, no cream, no nothing. I swear soon i'll be eating the ground coffee beans on it's own. With the increased intakes of coffee, sleep has been hard to come by. Now i sleep when people begin work (8-9 am) and wake up at 11 am and 12 pm and 1 pm and finally at 3 pm. It's and, not or. "What's the big deal?" you ask? Well, my papers are all in the morning and there's always the fear of oversleeping or brain shutting down during the exam.

Fact of the day: I need to watch something to fall asleep

I know it's weird, but that's just the way i am. It's usually movies, and by the first 30 minutes or so i'm out. But now it takes 2 whole movies before i blink that blink of sleepiness. Never have i been so determined to sleep. It just wouldn't come. Not at the right time anyways.

Because of, or maybe in spite of the sleeplessness i'm enduring, i've been having too many foot-in-mouth moments. The filter in my head isn't working, together with pretty much everything up there. So now i'm saying the first things that come out of my mind, which isn't a good thing. Regret usually comes immediately after the words were spoken. Now you see the need to constantly self-censor myself. Until the problem is resolved, i'm only gonna speak when it's necessary and after severe filtration.

Despite everything life still manages to throw a bone my way, as if to make up for all the other stuff. I'm a simple but complicated person. I know it's contradicting, but that's how i am. I want things to be kept simple but i always end up complicating matters. So lately, there's something simple that keeps me sane, keeps me happy, makes my heart beat just that lil faster. Maybe it's just me and my interpretation, but hey, to each his own right? Yeah, i know i'm not making much or any sense, but hopefully it will all be clear. As long as it gets me through my crummy periods, or even just as a temporary relief, i'll continue looking at it that way. It's the simple things that matter. So...

Keep It Simple Stupid!