You can't always get what you want

It's been a week since i had my last paper (again i stress, hopefully). Which also means it's been a week of unemployment. On one hand, i'm pretty relaxed - going to bed at 5 (am) and waking up at 3 (pm), going out for yamcha's, not studying, basically just bumming around. On the flipside, i feel like a bum. Getting poorer by the minute, bored by the lack of activities, waiting anxiously for phone calls screaming "Congrats, you got the job!" then rejecting the job just 'cause i can. In my dreams.

The saving grace has been basketball, which brings me at least some joy. The need to throw the ball into a ring gives me indescribable satisfaction. Which brings me to my moment of self bragging of the week: i achieved my (basketball) career high last Sunday by scoring a whopping 12 points! I know. That is in spite of me being called for travelling at least 3 times when i went for an open layup and shooting an airball from about a yard off the ring. But that's besides the point. Point is i got 12 points. All from layups and free throws. It's sad i know. But a high's a high.

Anyhoo, i had to prepare this presentation for an internship position i applied for. Why an internship? 'Cause i can't get a proper job. And when i can, it's in some ulu place where i'll be stranded and left cursing the rest of my days/existance. So me being me, i left the preparation of the presentation to the night before. Spent at least 7 hours researching this and that, and before you know it, it's time to get ready to go. Which means i didn't sleep the night la. So sleepless me = hopeless me, end up screwing the presentation and now hoping against hope that they at least liked my points and my personality enough to want to hire me instead of another guy who's vying for the same position.

Still had the presence of mind to take a picture of the map in case i got lost. Still got lost.



The issue of relationships became more pertinent in the past few weeks though they involve my friends, not me directly. At least this time i can say "I know what you mean" or "I know how it feels". It sucks when shitty things happen in relationships but they do. Even the sturdiest ones can just crumble all of a sudden. All from these tiny cracks we've failed to notice in the past, or just papered over 'cause they seemed so tiny and harmless. But when you fall, you fall hard. And you cry over all the cuts and the bruises and the aches. Then you're done crying and you get up and you move on again. You have to.

As for me, i'm just waiting i think. For what? Who knows. Waiting for things to fall in place i guess. Waiting for good things to happen to me. Waiting for Lady Luck to smile on me. Waiting for the Big One up there to say "Hey, let's throw you some good fortune for a change" (no religious lecture please). Ok, my life's not that bad la. But i could do with getting some of the things i want. I know i know, the grass is always greener on the other side.

"You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need"