Paper of Dreams

Okay, greatly exaggerated as i've never literally dreamt of obtaining this singular piece of paper that has defined, and probably will define the rest of my study + work life. When i tell people what i am, a mechanical engineer, i get the usual "Whoa!'s" and the "You must be smart's". Which i ain't. Trust me.

Let's be honest here, i've never been associated with the word "smart" unless you add a "ass" at the end. The only time i've been hardworking is when i'm in basketball training, 'cause that is the one thing i don't really suck at. Let's also not forget the fact that i didn't get my "honours" title to go with my degree. So i wasn't really that pumped to go snatch the cert from the guy(chancellor i think)'s hands. The day before the ceremony, a few of my colleagues bought me lunch and got me a small gift for "my big day". While it was an awesomely kind gesture on their part, mostly i felt a little guilty for celebrating what i felt -at that time- i didn't deserve.

Despite all that, I earned that paper and title. It was me who struggled through the 4 and a half years of uni life, it was me who showed up for exams, it was me who wrote my thesis. It was all me. With help of course. But my main point is, i had to be there to do it. If i may, i'd say it was a little impressive how i managed to push through despite all that went on - not knowing anyone at first, failing a subject during my first semester, my big heartbreak, being in a uni basketball team, going over to a foreign country, etc. I know i didn't have it the toughest, but i think it warrants a tiny amount of self-praise.

So what's changed now that i got that paper? Expectations. Now that i'm a "big-shot" engineer i'm expected to know most things related to my field. Which i don't. But i'm willing to learn, so i guess that's a good trait to have.

Now to totally unrelated stuff. Though (i think) i've mentioned this over and over again, i've learned that we can never run away from our past no matter how hard we try. It's almost akin to running on a treadmill. You can run as fast as you can, huff, puff, sweat, and cry (to be fair something went in my eye) yet in the end you're still at the same spot.

Especially when you live in Subang.