Deep long thoughts

This page needs an update. Badly.

It's (not) funny and sad that a person's passing away is the push i needed to actually put pen to paper (fingers to keyboards) my thoughts. One thing i've found out about myself is that death of someone i'm in acquaintance with hits me pretty hard, irrespective if i know him/her well or not. I can hardly imagine how i'd feel if... (touch wood). It's crazy how at one moment you see someone in a club, chatting casually, talking 'bout employment; then another you hear on MSN that he's passed away. Does make me think thrice when i rush home to Subang with only thoughts of people i want to see back home in mind.

I've also found out that when it comes to making decisions, i'm almost always decidedly undecided. This particular case refers to my current location, and if i've really sacrificed too much for slightly more dough. Which isn't more really when you think about rent, food, transport, utilities. I need certain things to fuel my life, and i'm not certain if this is the place to be. Job's got its ups and downs, but that happens for any and every job so that can't be a valid reason. So many reasons come to mind, not least the people i can be with back home and of course, sports.

I think the last time i had good fun was the Melaka trip, which kinda ended prematurely when i busted my knee. Sidenote: I used to love taking pics when i had my camera; now that it's gone, so goes the desire to snap. Anyways, that trip was fun 'cause it gave me a chance to loosen up a little bit, do things i cannot do in my current environment and most importantly just hang out with friends i've "abandoned" when i started work. Well the knee-busting part is funny now, but it was painful as hell when it happened. Let's just say the combination of getting high, jumping into pool and running around on tiled floors (in that order) isn't the smartest thing to do. But then again, no one's accused me of being smart before so i'm safe.

I hate the fact that i've got conscience, 'cause it's stopped me from doing lots of things. I mean, they're not good things but still. I think it traces back to when i was younger, when i did real dumb things, things that still make me cringe till now. But i think those incidences have mellowed me much, and so now i'm such a conscientious (read:coward) ass. But, i've always been a believer in "no sacrifice no gain" so i'm hoping some things go my way sometimes. I mean, i hope it's not too much to ask to obtain certain things i want, instead of settling on something you didn't really want in the first place but have to take it 'cause you have no choice. Am i even making sense.

Rest in Peace. That's the least you deserve.