everybody has a story to tell

Double take

2011-09-03T16:08:00.003+08:00

Taking this photo reminded me of another photo way back...

Only now i have better hair, not so pimply faced, and rounder.

But still can't pose for a photo.

My movie tastes

2011-05-22T12:30:00.006+08:00

Just watched this movie last night:

Quite outdated i know. But i like lah.

Anyways the point is, i like the show. I know it leans more towards the romcom genre, but i think it's a nice deviation from the other movies of similar genre. First, it's a movie about a guy trying to get over a girl, instead of trying to get the girl. Secondly, he doesn't get the girl back. And finally, the girl's not that hot. Always wanted to watch the movie, and finally i did.

It's funny how this movie suddenly got me blogging again. I think it's 'cause it brought me back to the days when i was this artsy movie wannabe, trying to be deep and meaningful. But it's true, i do like this kind of movies. Movies like Juno, Lars and the Real Girl; just my type of shows. It's not a Fast5, neither is it a (what's a popular romcom)... Valentine's Day. *shrugs*

I remember the days when the shows i watch determine my mood for the day/week. I watch a show when someone dies, i think i should do something meaningful with my life before i expire. I watch a movie where a couple breaks up and finds "true love" someplace else, i go "maybe i should do that". And it goes on and on. I attribute that to youth, and stupidity. Nowadays i just watch a movie for what it is: a movie. I think that's down to experience and the fact that i'm getting older.

Or maybe i'm getting more shallow.

Keeping my word

2011-05-14T23:50:00.002+08:00

This is me keeping my promise to post something before 12am. With a good 9 minutes to go.

Life's not to bad so far. The girlfriend, a new career role, basketball, friends. And of course something i thought i'd never do. No matter how small scale. Not telling till it comes out.

Till the next post.

And no, this won't be done annually.

Checking in 2011

2011-01-30T18:08:00.010+08:00

Hopefully i can sneak this post in by the time people read this page and tell me that i haven't blogged in awhile and tell me i should start updating my page again. And by "people" i really mean "person". You know who you are.

Reason i'm blogging: Australian Open final's going on and the guy i'm sorta rooting for is playing like crap, so i have free time. Took me awhile to get started though, 'cause i always have plenty to do (sleep, PS3, sleep, PS3) so no time to update. Last time i counted i had at least 4 things to do other than blogging. I remember a time when blogging was all the rage, back before micro-blogging and twitter came into the world. Now it's no longer "cool" to write out your thoughts/events/prejudices in a page, instead do it in short bursts 'cause our attention spans are that limited. I know it's true 'cause my attention span's pretty short. That's why it takes me hours or even days to write up a post. But no, i don't have twitter and no, i don't despise people with twitter accounts - mainly 'cause the girlfriend has one.

If it's not too late, i'll recount my 2010 now. It isn't, 'cause i am.

2010 was a pretty weird year i guess. There was the almost-year-long experience of being employed by people who don't make waffles:

Basketball:

Hangin' with the guys:

And then there was this:

Me in a Santa hat. How bruising to the ego.

Oh yeah. Also, that's ze girlfriend. Making me wear that Santa hat.

That was basically 2010 in a nutshell. Actually it isn't, but:

I've got no more photos to steal from Facebook
It's been about 7 hours since i started writing this post, so the interest has faded considerably

So i end this post with the hope that i'll write more, but no guarantees there. I think i've lost the motivation to put in words how i feel and what i've experienced. But hey, life's unpredictable.

Here's to 2011.

Stop and stare

2010-10-23T12:20:00.003+08:00

It had been too long since i visited the gym. I thought since i'm playing futsal and basketball with more regularity now, skipping the workouts was reasonable. But i forget that the playing of futsal and basketball was at a pedestrian pace; and when i tried upping the tempo i'd just run out of breath, thinking "where's my stamina?". Answer: In the gym. Go and get it.

So off i went to the gym, after what must have been a 3 month hiatus. And i did surprisingly well, considering my fit-less-ness. One contributing factor to going to the gym: the upcoming company sports carnival, in which i've joined the futsal competition. So anyways, back to my main point. I digress plenty.

I had finished my treadmill run and was doin' a Berbatov impersonation (read:snail-like pace) on the bikes while watching the TV. I had noticed then a jolly woman walking in to the gym. Not pretty, so i continued with the bike and TV-watching. Then jolly woman walks up to the treadmill and starts doin' her power walk. At this point i was just concentrating more on TV and less on bike. Then after awhile jolly woman's phone rings and she answers it like she wants to do a tele-conference with the gym community. So naturally i looked in her direction to find out if i should be taking down minutes.

No? Back to the telly.

Then..

Loud thud.

I see jolly woman on her belly in front of the treadmill. My excellent skills of deduction told me that she must have stopped in her tracks when answering her calls, and the unforgiving treadmill just pushed her down. I think i was the only one who saw it. My reaction? Look around to see if others had seen the incident and hoping someone would help the poor lady. Except they didn't. I didn't. Less-jolly lady stands up and starts running on the treadmill. Awkwardly. Even though i couldn't see it, i could sense her crying, ashamedly, and in a substantial amount of pain. Naturally, i'd be in pain if i fell like that too.

My point is, all i did was just stared at the whole incident like i was watching a show. And did nothing. Except just hope that someone else would help her. Don't get me wrong, i'm not heartless. I felt extremely bad and guilty at not helping the poor lady. Yet the only part of my body that moved was my head, looking around to see if anyone can help her.

Herein lies my problem. I don't respond well when it comes to helping people. Then i'll feel guilty as hell after that. It's happened before. Once while i was pumping petrol a guy approaches me and asks me for some money to help him cross the Penang bridge (RM7 to cross) 'cause he's forgotten something from the island. I didn't really know what to do, so i went with my first instinct - went to my coin department and gave the guy all the coins i got. He took it with an expression that's a combination of "wow, this is all?" and "damn it, i still need it". I went home guilty. Still feel the guilt.

I think it's all the pessimism in me. That people are rarely genuine, and that appreciation is hard to come by. It's something i'm working hard on to change. I need to work on my reflexes, to make sure i'm ready to help, even if it's just being the first person to get up and give up my seat on the bus. Give me some time.

And hope i kick ass in futsal tomorrow.

Inspire me

2010-09-19T03:31:00.002+08:00

Recently there was an opportunity presented to me to leave this place for the comfort of home; only catch is i had to beat 2-3 other persons to it. Yes, i'm talking about a vacant position. So i went for 2 rounds of interviews, thought i did pretty well to get the call, tell everyone to prepare to play some ball/yamcha/carpool/drink/meet up/spend quality time and then came the news: didn't get it.

I'll admit, i was heartbroken. Suddenly hot flashes of tears rolled down my eyes when i read that e-mail. I didn't know why. Not that i was really passionate 'bout the job. I think it was 'cause i've managed to convince everyone, especially myself that i'd be heading home soon. I was thinking of things like how i'd tell my boss, how to pack my things, which to bring along and which to leave behind. I even told the girlfriend the night before that i sensed a big upheaval in my life and that i was really positive about it. Serves me right for being so.... naive?

Anyways what's done is done. Now that i'm staying (at least) awhile longer, i've got to make do with what i have. And what i have is still a pretty darn good job. And good colleagues who i take advantage of sometimes. Not physically. Couple that with the fact that we've got this big presentation coming up really soon. I'm actually excited about that. Holy crap. I'm actually excited about something related to my current job? Get me to the nearest hospital. Stat.

What this whole experience has taught me, is that i have people who care about me. Even if sometimes i make a shitty acquaintance. There's this friend who calls me to ask me (in his own manner less way) if i had gotten the job, or another friend who called me before the interviews, or this friend who calls me just to tell me to wait another day for the news. Then of course, there's the girlfriend, who just puts a (virtual) arm around my shoulders and tell me everything's gonna be okay.

To all of you out there, you guys inspire me to do better. And i'll do better, damn it. When i was young i always thought i was destined for greater things. I think it was 'cause i watched too much cartoon. But i know now that greater is not necessarily restricted to wearing a mask and a cape, fighting crime. Greater can mean bouncing back from a huge disappointment. Greater can mean completing that job you've set out to do. Or greater can just mean constantly improving yourself, bit by bit. By bit.

But i will get what i want.

I got you, didn't i?

BitterSweet Symphony

2010-08-28T17:21:00.011+08:00

Bitter:
I think i've grown into a bitter person. Work-wise, at least. So many red-tapes, bureaucracy, people-problems, and just plain problems have definitely changed me i think. I remember way back before i started working (8 months ago), i was so determined to have this mythical "work-life balance", where i work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and the rest is "me-time". Sure, i'd accept the odd working weekends or the occasional late nights but no more than that. Oh, i was young and naive then. The one thing i've learned, responsibility is avoided at all costs. The greatest most knowledgable most hardworking guy can just turn into tai chi master once there is something to own up to or to be responsible for. Alas, that is working life. I'm sure it doesn't only happen to my current place of work, but i'm pretty sure my spirit's died a little throughout my short working life. Makes me wonder how people can stay at the same place for years.

Most of the works that involve me are during weekends or when the place isn't running. So i've been to the plant daily for 2 weeks already, even if it's just to physically be here. All to avoid someone pushing the responsiblity/blame to me once i come in on Monday. Yeah i know there are tonnes out there in far worse situations than mine. But i like to do the (not very) occasional bitch, just to let it out.

Sweet:
I have a special someone. And she thinks i'm special too. Sure it was brewing for quite awhile, but when it happened it was pretty sudden and unexpected. The getting into a relationship part, not anything else. Please rid yourselves of other thoughts. Anyways, as noted by a friend (thanks), it has been quite awhile since i've actually had that special someone. I usually blame it on me being picky, which i am really. But i've always had this fear of commitment, and i still do sometimes, but i guess this special someone's help me get over this fear.

So i am threading with caution, though not too much. That'll spoil all the fun, won't it. But i am weary of making the same mistakes i've made in the past, 'cause i really do treasure this person. Best thing that's happened to me in a long long time. Helps me get through my days (read:Bitter).

Symphony:
My pick-me-up song: Diner by Martin Sexton. If this fails to lift your spirits at least a little, then you're beyond saving.

Who would've thought

So demanding.

Deep long thoughts

2010-08-01T16:20:00.003+08:00

This page needs an update. Badly.

It's (not) funny and sad that a person's passing away is the push i needed to actually put pen to paper (fingers to keyboards) my thoughts. One thing i've found out about myself is that death of someone i'm in acquaintance with hits me pretty hard, irrespective if i know him/her well or not. I can hardly imagine how i'd feel if... (touch wood). It's crazy how at one moment you see someone in a club, chatting casually, talking 'bout employment; then another you hear on MSN that he's passed away. Does make me think thrice when i rush home to Subang with only thoughts of people i want to see back home in mind.

I've also found out that when it comes to making decisions, i'm almost always decidedly undecided. This particular case refers to my current location, and if i've really sacrificed too much for slightly more dough. Which isn't more really when you think about rent, food, transport, utilities. I need certain things to fuel my life, and i'm not certain if this is the place to be. Job's got its ups and downs, but that happens for any and every job so that can't be a valid reason. So many reasons come to mind, not least the people i can be with back home and of course, sports.

I think the last time i had good fun was the Melaka trip, which kinda ended prematurely when i busted my knee. Sidenote: I used to love taking pics when i had my camera; now that it's gone, so goes the desire to snap. Anyways, that trip was fun 'cause it gave me a chance to loosen up a little bit, do things i cannot do in my current environment and most importantly just hang out with friends i've "abandoned" when i started work. Well the knee-busting part is funny now, but it was painful as hell when it happened. Let's just say the combination of getting high, jumping into pool and running around on tiled floors (in that order) isn't the smartest thing to do. But then again, no one's accused me of being smart before so i'm safe.

I hate the fact that i've got conscience, 'cause it's stopped me from doing lots of things. I mean, they're not good things but still. I think it traces back to when i was younger, when i did real dumb things, things that still make me cringe till now. But i think those incidences have mellowed me much, and so now i'm such a conscientious (read:coward) ass. But, i've always been a believer in "no sacrifice no gain" so i'm hoping some things go my way sometimes. I mean, i hope it's not too much to ask to obtain certain things i want, instead of settling on something you didn't really want in the first place but have to take it 'cause you have no choice. Am i even making sense.

Rest in Peace. That's the least you deserve.

6 months in

2010-06-18T23:53:00.000+08:00

I'm still getting used to the idea of being a working man. For in my mind, i'm still this kid who just jumps from one point to another, no commitments or worries. But i'm not, unfortunately. This sense of permanence is taking a little longer than expected for me to adapt. 'Cause really, i've never really been a "long-term" person. Wouldn't go so far as to calling myself a commitophobe, more like a slow learner. By the by, i'm just talking 'bout things in general. Nothing specific. So don't panic.

So 6 months as a working man. 6 months living on my own. 6 months living in Prai. Away from family and friends. Away from my (now) beloved KL. I think i've done OK so far. Except for little things like putting on weight, losing all my fitness and stamina, not making new friends, stopped playing any sports, command of English suckening, staying cooped up in my apartment most of the times, laptop and PS One as my main companions. On second thought...

But it's not all bad. I get to travel down to KL alot, for work reasons. Ahh, i even travel home fortnightly just for the heck of it. Colleagues who have become close friends. I'm earning money, so that always gives me some satisfaction. Lots of small little things i can be grateful of, if i really want to. I don't know what's the point of the post. Just to get going i guess. Let my mind loose a little bit.

Other random bits:

Went hiking again the other day. Not as agile and fearless as before. Don't know what's changed.
Went for basketball the same day. Missed open shots and layups, basically played crap. Consequence of not playing at all here in Penang.
A night of yamcha suddenly became a clubbing night. Liking the spontaneity.

Juices ain't flowin'. Maybe it's all the reports i've been writing.

This Year's Love

2010-06-08T18:43:00.003+08:00

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last

24

2010-04-27T21:56:00.004+08:00

I've always loved the number 13. I love the fact that it's unpopular, that it's "cursed", that people ask me. "Why would you pick that number?" whenever i insist on the number 13 on my jersey. Other numbers just don't seem as appealing. I swear i play better with the number on my back. I love the number so much that when people ask me what type of tattoo i want, it's a toss up between a Man U logo and the number 13. Prolly the only two constant loves in my life. I mean other than family and all that kinda stuff.

Main reason for loving the number? It so happens that my birthday is on April the 13th. Which in a really roundabout way brings me to my point that i turned 24 recently. On April the 13th. This year i celebrated my birthday by getting a last minute "invite" (order) to fly down to KL to participate in a company marketing thing. That was on my birthday eve. So i figured okay, maybe i can meet up with a few friends and celebrate a little.

Which we did, at a coffee place with a slice of cake. I guess the days when we drank (and puked) our livers out are over. I think the days of the big birthday parties are over for me. Which is not to say i don't like to hang loose sometimes. Just not all the time la. Let the younger generation paint the street roads and drains. I know i've contributed my fair share.

So once that brief celebration was over, went over to the marketing the next day and found out it's a job i have to commit to for 4 friggin months! Awesome birthday present, "company's name". So then spent the whole day in a conference room before rushing off to the airport for flight back to Penang. Awesome birthday or what.

So how does it feel to be 24? When i've been back the past week or so my coach and 2 of my mom's friends have observed that i'm "fatter already", went for basketball training after months and my thighs started to sore after 25 sit ups and 2 sprints, and people always mistaken my older brother as the younger one. So how do you think i feel?

In spite of all that, i've got plenty to learn. If one thing working life has taught me, it's that experience trumps brains. At least that's what i think. Unless you're me, then you've got neither experience nor brains. Well at least i'll always have one thing that's always on the up.

My age.

Jet Set Go!

2010-04-03T02:13:00.002+08:00

As a young kid i get easily excited at the prospect of travelling overseas, especially when we were flying. I remember loving the feeling of weightlessness when the plane was taking off, like i was off to an awesome adventure. I loved looking out the window, looking at the little buildings way below, trying to spot a familiar building/landmark. I loved bugging the flight attendants for lemonades, because i could. The airport was a magical place to be in, 'cause that could only mean that someone's either arriving or leaving on a luxury taxi. Not anymore. Now flying's just another thing i have to go through, to get from Point A to Point B.

It doesn't help that these air travels are business trips instead of leisure. It also doesn't help that my destinations are mainly within the country, and that we take the budget airlines (scratch the bugging flight attendants part in my flight itinerary). And then there's the seats. I am neither all that tall nor overly overweight. Yet i struggle in my seat in 'most every plane i'm in. And let's not forget the fact that people just love to tilt their chairs back for their comfort. Often at the discomfort of the people seated behind them.

Okay, so i've only been on 3 trips in the past 3 weeks. I know others have it worse. Like my project manager for example, who's in 3 different states every week. So i shouldn't complain much, no? But with all the wait and delays and such, how not to complain?

On one of those occasions, my flight back to Penang was delayed for about an hour and a half. It was annoying, but understandable 'cause of bad weather. When we were finally cleared for takeoff, i was just concentrated on passing through the hour or so peacefully. Then came an old lady from London. She's Malaysian, but she's lived in London for years. Old London lady is a chatty one, she is. She's pleasant enough, but she complains a whole lot, and repeatedly. Ten "Oh dears" later, i was super annoyed. Luckily the guy beside me (i was seated in the middle) is one of those who loves to impress anyone with a foreign accent. We have plenty of those in our country. For all the times i've cursed these people, one of them was actually of use to me this time.

So what now? Nothing much i can do actually, except complain to my bosses that i don't really like to travel. Which i won't do, 'cause it's not really true. I just need to get used to it, and soon enough i'll be fine and chatting with moan-y old ladies. But i am waiting on the day when i actually fly to a holiday destination, have some fun again, and forget about work for awhile.

Hopefully with a pretty thing beside me.

Don't Fight It

2010-03-18T21:09:00.011+08:00

I have no other way
There is a price to pay
For what the man will say
That I was a million miles away
In a promise full of steam
It could take no vacant dream
To persuade me to believe

I think just don't fight it,
Don't fight it, don't fight it
If you don't know what it is,
If you don't know what it is

I left my heart in places
Forgot everyone of their faces
And tried to navigate a broken path
Of which I may have helped create
In any incident, this is never no accident
To stand alone and

Let the silence make itself at home

Ah, give it up,
Those dirty tricks
No quick fix, can undo it
Ah, give it up
I won't resist
My answers always this

I said don't fight it,
Don't fight it, don't fight it
If you don't know what it is,
If you don't know what it is

Just don't fight it,
Don't fight it, don't fight it
If you don't know what it is,
If you don't know what it is

Where has my light gone?
Where has my fight gone?
What keeps us burning when the fire is long gone?
When I can't relate to that voice without a face
Should I be afraid or is it just a voice I did create?

Ah, give it up,
Those dirty tricks
No quick fix, can undo it
Ah, give it up
I won't resist
My answers always this

I said don't fight it,
Don't fight it, don't fight it
If you don't know what it is,
If you don't know what it is

Just don't fight it,
Don't fight it, don't fight it
If you don't know what it is,
If you don't know what it is

No don't fight it. Don't know what it is, don't know what it is
No don't fight it. Don't know what it is, don't know what it is
No don't fight it. Don't know what it is, don't know what it is

Paper of Dreams

2010-03-13T18:24:00.006+08:00

Okay, greatly exaggerated as i've never literally dreamt of obtaining this singular piece of paper that has defined, and probably will define the rest of my study + work life. When i tell people what i am, a mechanical engineer, i get the usual "Whoa!'s" and the "You must be smart's". Which i ain't. Trust me.

Let's be honest here, i've never been associated with the word "smart" unless you add a "ass" at the end. The only time i've been hardworking is when i'm in basketball training, 'cause that is the one thing i don't really suck at. Let's also not forget the fact that i didn't get my "honours" title to go with my degree. So i wasn't really that pumped to go snatch the cert from the guy(chancellor i think)'s hands. The day before the ceremony, a few of my colleagues bought me lunch and got me a small gift for "my big day". While it was an awesomely kind gesture on their part, mostly i felt a little guilty for celebrating what i felt -at that time- i didn't deserve.

Despite all that, I earned that paper and title. It was me who struggled through the 4 and a half years of uni life, it was me who showed up for exams, it was me who wrote my thesis. It was all me. With help of course. But my main point is, i had to be there to do it. If i may, i'd say it was a little impressive how i managed to push through despite all that went on - not knowing anyone at first, failing a subject during my first semester, my big heartbreak, being in a uni basketball team, going over to a foreign country, etc. I know i didn't have it the toughest, but i think it warrants a tiny amount of self-praise.

So what's changed now that i got that paper? Expectations. Now that i'm a "big-shot" engineer i'm expected to know most things related to my field. Which i don't. But i'm willing to learn, so i guess that's a good trait to have.

Now to totally unrelated stuff. Though (i think) i've mentioned this over and over again, i've learned that we can never run away from our past no matter how hard we try. It's almost akin to running on a treadmill. You can run as fast as you can, huff, puff, sweat, and cry (to be fair something went in my eye) yet in the end you're still at the same spot.

Especially when you live in Subang.

So far so good

2010-02-10T20:37:00.004+08:00

I'm always fearful to talk about work related stuff in cyberspace 'cause you never know who might read your page. Doubly true when you have bad things to say. Fortunately for me, a) my blog's not famous and b) i've got nothing negative to say (so far). However, i do wanna say something work related so i'll try to be as general as possible.

Work's pretty okay so far. I think i'm just "fatt hou-ing", over-stressing over work, staying back late and going back to office on the days i don't need to. I don't do it for show, in case you were wondering. Nobody's there for me to put on one anyways. I'm just overly "gan cheong", wanting to do the best possible job even if they seem insignificant to some. Also, i've got a great career mentor who acts as a big sister to me, giving me advice and wanting to bring me, in her words, "walk walk". Out of pity i think.

Anyways, been here for slightly over a month now and i'm starting to get used to life here. It's a good thing. I don't dread going to work 'cause i'm kinda enjoying it, i'm starting to make more friends (by like 1 or 2 la), and i actually managed to play basketball once! Also i'm getting an air cooler, which means no more sweaty nights (the bad kind, not the good kind). All in all i'm satisfied. I'm also trying this new thing whereby i try to appreciate the little things in life, instead of sulking over something that didn't go my way. Read: previous post.

On a totally random note, here's me and my non-chinese basketball team:

And here's two out of three drunk out of their minds:

Happy CNY all. Pray i don't gain any more weight.

Setbacks

2010-01-18T21:51:00.003+08:00

You know how it's bad to keep everything bottled in, for fear that one day you might just explode? This is me trying to avoid that by purging out whatever frustration i'm enduring right now. So i don't go crazy one day. No guarantees though.

Before that, a brief moment of pride/happiness (it'll relate to my story later). My parents decided -through no urging of mine - to get me a new handphone as my graduation cum birthday present. Now we all know what happened to my last new handphone, so i'm trying to be as careful and protective of the new phone as i can. Oh, and it's a Nokia 5530 by the way. Not gonna take a picture of it. Don't wanna jinx it.

Another prelude to the story. My apartment. It's a decent one, a good start as a first-time-living-on-my-own apartment. Thing is, it doesn't have an air cond or a heater. And no, i can't install them 'cause i'm not allowed to make holes on the wall. Also, the apartment was unfurnished when i got it, so i got some furniture just before i moved in. Since i'm so cheap, i agreed on a single bed with an ultra thin mattress, and on those cloth cupboards. End result, sleep's uncomfortable and cupboard fell apart.

Now i can begin. So 2 weeks ago my mom found an ad on the paper on some bedroom set on the cheap. They have a store near my place, so i decided to go get the set. On the way there, i was already thinking of how to move my old furniture, what day is best for them to send the furniture over, and my method of payment. When i got there, the sales person told me that that promotion was for that week only. I guess it's not surprising that shops do that - promote something without really disclosing the nature of the promotion, then put a itsy bitsy disclaimer at the bottom of their ads. So i walked away disappointed.

Since that furniture shop was beside a hypermarket, i thought i'd go get my new handphone a casing, since it's already got tiny scratches on it's back and knowing how clumsy i am that might not be all that will endure. So the hypermarket's got 4 handphone shops. NONE of it has the casing for my phone.

At that moment, i suddenly got so dejected. Was so down i sat in my car for what felt like an eternity, head on steering wheel, eyes closed. Don't know why, but i was really down. Then i stared getting angry at my whole situation, what necessitated my need to get furniture and handphone cover at this kampung of a place. How (i think) i'm pretty polite to people and yet get scowls in return. How (i think again) i'm always the nice guy and always at the losing end. I was just pissed off at everything and anything. I was so pissed off i remember thinking the next guy who honks at me will be asking for a confrontation.

I don't know how these two really minor things got me real agitated, but they did. I figure it's more of an accumulation of minor setbacks that got me to this point. So now i'm hoping for something good to happen unexpectedly, just to restore some balance. But not i'm expecting for something unexpected, so that won't really work.

Bottom line, i just need to learn to deal with setbacks better. I'm trying.

2010

2010-01-16T21:50:00.002+08:00

It feels like i can't start writing on anything related to the new year without reviewing the year before. So i better get that out of the way:

I guess the main thing of the past year is how i've made new friends without much knowledge of doing it. Yes, it is as confusing as it sounds. And it all started with basketball. Ahh.. basketball. It can do no wrong. First, there is the uni basketball bunch. Young people who make me feel young. And old at the same time. Then there's the non-Chinese basketball team. They bring out the competitiveness in me. I missed that fire.

2009 is also the year i won my 2 MVP trophies. And a gold medal. Sure they're not that great, considering one's from the uni sports carnival and the other was essentially given to me 'cause i'm friends with the opponents (long story). But no matter, i have 2 trophies sitting on my table. Cheapo plastic easy-to-break trophies. Trophies nonetheless.

Away from basketball, there isn't anything much i guess. Sad i know. There is the completion of studies (finally), but that will be slightly soured by the fact that the word "honours" will be missing in my transcript. And then there's the gaining of employment soon after graduation. And we all know how i feel about that.

But i guess i achieved my main objective of 2009, which is really to not get myself in vulnerable situations. I think i did well, 'cause i didn't get hurt nor did i hurt. But i have to say, it is time for a change this year. This year, i want to shake things up a little bit. Take a few chances. Fall on my butt a few times. Just put myself there and see what happens. Not just play it safe all the time, and miss out on opportunities.

So in saying that, here's my 2010 resolution:
1) Put myself out there more
2) Be excellent at work. Move away from mediocre uni days
3) Not lose sports in my life. Maybe join a gym if i really have to

I guess these are the main objectives i want to achieve for the year. Sure, there are plenty more sub-objectives and such, but i fear that they make take a few pages.

Happy (belated) 2010!

The Prai Diaries (1)

2009-12-16T11:35:00.006+08:00

12 Dec 2009:
Took the early train to Ipoh, to meet up with my dad and then head off to Prai together. The train ride provided me with what i thought were two extremes of humanities:

Extreme 1
Elderly Chinese man (ECM) walks into the coach i was in, wandering around aimlessly looking for his seat. He approaches an elderly Indian man (EIM), who was reading the Bible. ECM (ever so politely) hands over ticket and asks EIM to help him find his seat. EIM hurriedly puts down Bible, reads ticket and points ECM to his seat.

Couldn't help but grin a little. "There's hope in humanity afterall," i thought.

Extreme 2
Train arrived at the Ipoh station after 3 hours or so. At the station, i saw a kind-ish Indian man (KIM) leading a blind Chinese man (BCM) into the station and to the counter. KIM led BCM to the ticketing counter and left him to talk to the railway staff, to presumably buy a train ticket. BCM was babbling loudly to himself, so staff member at the counter just ignored him. BCM then starts walking around aimlessly without his cane.

Enter poor naive Chinese woman (PNCW). PNCW tries to lead BCM's hands to the counter so BCM had something to hold on to. BCM then starts taking out a book from a plastic bag he was holding and made a sales pitch to PNCW. PNCW looked embarassed and guilty. She ended up forking out 10 bucks for the book (wasn't close enough to hear/see what it was). And to top it all off, she lost her place in the queue and had to go to the back of the line.

Got to Prai later that evening to look at 2 apartments - one recommended by dad's contacts, the other by the HR guy from the company i'm gonna be working for. So we went to the first apartment, and my heart sunk. The floors for each room were just cement whereas the hall's was tiled. The rooms were without fans. One of the rooms didn't even have a single plug point! The whole place reminded me of my budget place in Melbourne. Plus the guy renting the place out had an uneasy aura about him.

So on to the second apartment. Met up with the HR-recommended guy, and so we followed him to the apartment. When he lead us back to the same block of apartments as the one we first saw, my face turned ashen. I remember thinking, "Melbourne all over again". But then he brought us to a different unit, which looked waaay better than the first one. Essentially they were the same, just that this one's cleaner, has fans in each room, and is tiled all over. Just to show how small little things do make a whole lot of difference. So i'm gonna stay there now.

Got back to Ipoh the same night, had the famous nga choy chicken or something. After a long day, got back to dad's apartment and almost instantly fell asleep. That was 11 something at night.

13 Dec 2009:
Woke up at 3.30, couldn't get back to sleep. Did some push ups, sit ups, and stretches. Had a game at 12, so i thought since i couldn't sleep, might as well stretch and get pumped up and ready.

Scored 3 points.

So i'm goin..

2009-12-12T00:29:00.005+08:00

First off, a mini-celebration - i've graduated! I think. Passed my final 2 subjects, so i guess you can call me Mr. Engineer. Not too loud though, 'cause i'm not that good an engineer. I guess the overwhelming feeling would be relief more than anything, 'cause of my well-documented struggles. But then again, i'm also grateful and -dare i say it- proud of myself for actually completing a course that was painfully obvious not my cup of tea. But i did it, albeit a little belatedly. So a big yay for me.

So now that that part of my life is over, on to the next one - employment. Long story cut short, i am now employed. Three interview stages and a few phone calls later, i find myself receiving an offer letter from the company. The offer's pretty standard; medical, dental, period of employment. But the pay is pretty good for a fresh graduate in the current market. There is a catch of course. I'll be working in Prai, Penang.

"Where the f**k is Prai?" a friend asked. Well, it's in Penang. Not the fun part of Penang (the island) but mainland Penang. Granted i've never been there so i don't know if it's really that bad. What i know is that they've got a megamall and a Giant. So that should be fun right? That's where (i presume) everyone's gonna hang out.

"Hey where we goin tonight?"

"Let's hang at the Prai megamall dude"

Met with a lot of skepticism when i told friends that i'm going. I know i could find a job here, with a decent enough pay and i can live at home which means no expenses incurred. Believe me, i know. I was all ready to reject the offer when it came. Why would i want to go somewhere i've never been, to a place where i don't know anyone, and leave behind all i have here - family, friends, basketball, the urban life? Plus there are some people i want to meet but haven't gotten the chance to yet.

Then my parents came into the picture and suddenly the whole thing became a case of sensibility vs emotions. Maybe i'm too easily influenced by them, but my parents convinced me that the job is a good one, and that i'd be passing over a good career move if i were to decline the offer. There was also the fact that i couldn't really come up with a good enough response when i was asked why i wouldn't want to go.

So now that the dust's settled, i'm going to Prai. Possibly for 2 years. Or more. There have been fears that things would be like they were in Australia. It wasn't that bad, but it wasn't really the best time of my life. But i'm keeping an open mind, making jokes and just trying to be positive about it all. What's the point of going there feeling all morose and making things worse. Why not just smile, go in positive and maybe, just maybe, good things can come out of it?

Before i leave, i'm trying to enjoy the company of friends as much as i can. I did say that i'd try to come back every week, but you know how that's gonna end don't you. So if you're reading this and we haven't met up, let's. Before i become an honorary Penang-ite. Hardy har har.

You can't always get what you want

2009-11-23T18:43:00.005+08:00

It's been a week since i had my last paper (again i stress, hopefully). Which also means it's been a week of unemployment. On one hand, i'm pretty relaxed - going to bed at 5 (am) and waking up at 3 (pm), going out for yamcha's, not studying, basically just bumming around. On the flipside, i feel like a bum. Getting poorer by the minute, bored by the lack of activities, waiting anxiously for phone calls screaming "Congrats, you got the job!" then rejecting the job just 'cause i can. In my dreams.

The saving grace has been basketball, which brings me at least some joy. The need to throw the ball into a ring gives me indescribable satisfaction. Which brings me to my moment of self bragging of the week: i achieved my (basketball) career high last Sunday by scoring a whopping 12 points! I know. That is in spite of me being called for travelling at least 3 times when i went for an open layup and shooting an airball from about a yard off the ring. But that's besides the point. Point is i got 12 points. All from layups and free throws. It's sad i know. But a high's a high.

Anyhoo, i had to prepare this presentation for an internship position i applied for. Why an internship? 'Cause i can't get a proper job. And when i can, it's in some ulu place where i'll be stranded and left cursing the rest of my days/existance. So me being me, i left the preparation of the presentation to the night before. Spent at least 7 hours researching this and that, and before you know it, it's time to get ready to go. Which means i didn't sleep the night la. So sleepless me = hopeless me, end up screwing the presentation and now hoping against hope that they at least liked my points and my personality enough to want to hire me instead of another guy who's vying for the same position.

Still had the presence of mind to take a picture of the map in case i got lost. Still got lost.

The issue of relationships became more pertinent in the past few weeks though they involve my friends, not me directly. At least this time i can say "I know what you mean" or "I know how it feels". It sucks when shitty things happen in relationships but they do. Even the sturdiest ones can just crumble all of a sudden. All from these tiny cracks we've failed to notice in the past, or just papered over 'cause they seemed so tiny and harmless. But when you fall, you fall hard. And you cry over all the cuts and the bruises and the aches. Then you're done crying and you get up and you move on again. You have to.

As for me, i'm just waiting i think. For what? Who knows. Waiting for things to fall in place i guess. Waiting for good things to happen to me. Waiting for Lady Luck to smile on me. Waiting for the Big One up there to say "Hey, let's throw you some good fortune for a change" (no religious lecture please). Ok, my life's not that bad la. But i could do with getting some of the things i want. I know i know, the grass is always greener on the other side.

"You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need"

Freedom o'clock?

2009-11-16T16:43:00.003+08:00

"Students you must stop writing now. Put your question paper bla bla....."

10 seconds later.

"My apologies students. You have 3 more minutes".

There had to drama before my final (hopefully) paper in the university, of which i've spent 4 and a half years of my life studying something that, i never really had an interest in in the first place. But i stuck to it, mainly 'cause my ego won't let me quit halfway into the course. Little known fact: my parents did offer me a get-out-of-jail(engineering course) card after my first semester but i was like "No way. And be seen as a quitter?" Not on yer life.

So now here i am, hoping for the best. In truth the paper wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, but not to say i studied very hard for this paper also la. So it's 50-50. Some guys were pretty stressed out after the paper, so i'm kinda worried. Well, all i can do now is pray and pray and pray. Failing another paper would just be unthinkable. But then i'll be able to play basketball for the uni again. Hahaha.

*slaps self* Unthinkable!

Life's full of worrisome stuff, don't you think? Now that the finals are out of the way, i'll have to worry about the results, graduation and a job. I'm pretty tempted to take the Prai job (that is if i get it la) mainly 'cause it's the only job available to me right now. Granted, i've been picky in applying for jobs, but there are some pretty shiddy jobs on offer right now. And this coming from me. Mr Anything Goes-lah. I just want to earn money as soon as possible, even if it takes me far from home. I'm just trying to figure out what i can sacrifice, what i can't. And if there's anything worth staying for. A "wise" friend once said: "There are always reasons to leave, never any to stay". Which is kinda true now. What if i pass on something great? Or will i just be miserable in a new and foreign place just like i (kinda) was when i was in Melbourne?

Decisions decisions..

I'll have to think a whole lot more. But let's not get ahead of ourselves la. I still haven't passed through the final stage of the interview yet. Once they start asking technical questions i should just excuse myself to save me from embarassment. Right now i just want to focus on having a lil breather, some drinks, hanging out with the familiar and unfamiliar, and play me some basketball!

"Is it time? Is it freedom o'clock?"

Liven it up

2009-10-18T16:14:00.009+08:00

Too many word-y posts going on in this page. It gets pretty dull and depressing. So here are a few pictures of things i didn't/haven't talked about. Haven't been whipping out the camera in a long time. Maybe it's 'cause my camera's not as canggih as the others'.

S.O.I.

2009-10-07T16:24:00.002+08:00

I did it. I finally did it. I finally deleted the games from my laptop. So no more spider solitaire, no more endless hours of distraction, no more trying to beat my own high score. Not sure what made me do it, but i thought enough is enough. It's time to get down to work. Pray i don't get addicted to any online or facebook games.

I was re-reading my previous posts recently, something i do from time to time. Found so many grammar mistakes i wanted to go back in time and slap my old self. This coming from the "Best English Student for PMR 2001" (ok i'm bragging a bit). Besides the mistakes, i was also pretty amazed at how dedicated i was (if only for a semester) in getting good results. That was during my first semester in Australia. And it got me wondering - where has all the dedication and enthusiasm gone? Granted i'm not the best student, i struggle just to reach average-dom. But after that semester i actually had pretty okay results.

So this is my statement of intent (S.O.I.). I need to do much better this semester to pull my grades up in hopes of getting my honours. And what better time to do it than this semester, where i've only got two subjects to worry about? Plus there's no final year project to deal with. This should be my time.

Not sure how this realisation came about. Maybe it's because i've been applying for jobs and haven't gotten any. Or maybe because i've come to know a few pretty dedicated, "outstanding" students this semester especially. Not sure. But what i'm sure of is that i don't want to be a one trick pony, who's only good at sports. Sports playing i'm not worried about, i've got plenty of opportunities. Maybe i've got my priorities all screwed up. But i hope it's not too late to change all that, and i'm bent on changing my ways. Not drastically of course, 'cause then i may just lose interest and motivation after awhile. Bit by bit, step by step. I can do this.

In other news, i was driving home from yamcha-ing with a friend today and i was listening to the radio. So this caller, a mom, was telling the deejay how much she misses her daughter who's so far away from her. Then she proceeds to dedicate a song to her beloved and much missed daughter. Her song dedication?

Pitbull's Hotel Room Service.

Is it any wonder

2009-10-03T19:33:00.005+08:00

I.. I always thought that I knew
I'd always have the right to
be living in the kingdom of the good and true and so on
But now I think I was wrong
and you were laughing along
And now I look a fool for thinking you were on...

My side,
Is it any wonder I'm tired?
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight?
Is it any wonder I don't know what's right?

Sometimes it's hard to know where I stand,
it's hard to know where I am,
Well maybe it's a puzzle I don't understand.
Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm
stranded in the wrong time
where love is just a lyric in a children's rhyme, a soundbite

Is it any wonder I'm tired?
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight?
Is it any wonder I don't know what's right?
Oh, these days, after all the misery made,
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid?
Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed?

Nothing left inside this old cathedral,
just the sad, lonely spires,
How do you make it right?

Oh, but you try,
Is it any wonder I'm tired?
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight?
Is it any wonder I don't know what's right?
Oh, these days, after all the misery made,
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid?
Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed?

-Keane-

It's like the song was written for me.

Almost there

2009-10-02T19:38:00.003+08:00

It's a case of almost there when it comes to my ankle. It finally looks like an ankle again, though it's still a little bigger than usual. The past 3 weeks or so has been hell, with no physical activity at all. Unless you count walking up and down the stairs as physical activity. Well it was, especially during the first week of twisting the ankle. That was harder than doing a 'suicide' (basketball term)!

Now i'm having fun 'cracking' the ankle because i can again. Though i'm definitely not ready to start playing any games soon, i'm gonna try to attend training next Tuesday. Just light training, a little jog here, some not-too-strenuous drill there. I have to! I'll go crazy if i were to be deprived any longer. Plus there's another tournament coming up in 'bout 2 weeks and i need to regain my touch, stamina and strength again. I'm more determined especially after looking at my 2 'babies'. Plus i think my belly's starting to show again.

The almost there's also apply to school work. I'm almost ready to start working on my assignment (big cheers) which is due next week. Well the initial plan was to do it 4 days ago, but as usual the plan gets derailed. Either by a phone call or by an interesting program on TV (everything's interesting when you have to do work) or if a nice song comes up on my media player. Basically anything'll distract me from work. I'm just waiting for the day when i feel the heat then i'll actually start doing. Happens for every assignment, so don't worry too much for me. It'll be nice to change a little, but hey i'm just a man.

I've got much planned when the ankle fully heals. Rock climbing, hiking, skytrex (lemme know if you want in), waterfalls, friendlies, tourneys and drinks maybe. I'll pencil in studying somewhere in between.

My 2 babies :)

Trust, Pot and Kettle

2009-09-30T17:33:00.004+08:00

Situation 1:

I was talking to a friend recently, and we got to talking about relationships. His, not mine ('cause i don't have one). Then we got to the issue of trust, which is i think is most essential in every relationship. Won't go into detail on what we talked about, but i did give said friend my two cents. That's when i realised i referenced my past relationship a whole lot, and that i could have used one or two of the advices i gave to my friend. I think previously i've always prided myself as the voice of reason, the one people come and talk to when they've got problems. Now i see myself as a big hypocrite, not practising what i tell people. And giving out relationship advice, of all things.

Situation 2:

Something unfortunate happened in my family (nothing too bad or tragic) that brought me back to my childhood days. It's something that's also related to the "trust" issue, and how it's abused. I found myself in the role of mediator/peacemaker, and again the feeling of hypocrisy floated uneasily inside me. As a kid i wasn't exactly the spokesperson for truth-telling. I lied about so many things it became second nature to me. Not something i'm proud of now, and more so when i feel that i've been footstep-followed. So yeah, it's a little upsetting.

Don't really know the point of the post, though someone pointed out to me that i've only blogged like 12-13 times this year. Haha.

Drink more water!!

In memory of

2009-09-23T18:03:00.006+08:00

I am finally ready to write.

I remember vividly my first encounter with you. You were lining up 4-5 chairs at the back of the class with that cheeky grin you have. Then, taking a few steps back, you ran towards the assembly of chairs and jumped over them. Pak Kwan told me, "It's a normal thing".

It was Thursday morning. My ankle still hurting, i limped to class. In class, i wondered why the engineering bunch weren't there (it was a business elective class). Maybe they had some assignment due or whatnot, i reasoned. End of class, i went up to the 6th floor to use the computer. After a while Alex walked in, face white and pale. "Not enough sleep", i sniggered. Then he told me.

"Choo met with an accident".

My first thought was that it was a car accident, maybe he broke a leg or something. So i asked, casually, "How is he?"

The reply: "Not good."
"Doctors say he doesn't look good".

That evening me, Pak Kwan and Jason visited Choo at the CCU. My throat went dry when i saw him. I was told to talk to him, call out to him, encourage him. Yet the minutes i was there, all i did was look at him, closed my eyes and prayed for him a little. Just as i was about to leave his unit, i managed a meek "Come on, Choo. Come on".

It was the a week before the accident. Me and three other juniors (Choo included) decided to head to Pyramid for lunch. I remember talking to him about our semesters, how long we have left, how many subjects we've failed. I remember him saying that he has another semester to go, and how lonely he's gonna be when the others have graduated. Little did i know the conversation was to be my last with him, and lunch at Pyramid was to be the last i was going to see him.

It was Sunday morning. We were at his wake, just. I managed a glimpse of Choo. I couldn't help but compare what i saw in front of me to the Choo i've always known - crazy, quirky, always laughing, but always so polite. I remember thinking the framed photograph of him was so appropriate; smiling, with a hint of cheekiness in his eyes. At the burial site, i couldn't help but notice his mom. My heart broke there and then. I cannot imagine anything worse for a parent than to bury their own child. I wiped away a tear or two.

Life is short. I didn't need a death of a friend to realise that, though it did serve as a reminder. I was never really close to Choo, and i guess i wouldn't have done anything differently had the accident not happen. I won't pretend that we've always hung out and that we were the best of buddies. Yet it hit me really hard. Maybe it's because this was someone i see often, so much so that not seeing him again is just inconceivable. Or maybe because what happened to him could've happened to me back when i was 16.

I remember praying really hard when i got the news. He didn't deserve this. He's too young for this. He's too kind. I remember bargaining, my ankle recovery time for his life. Obviously it wasn't a fair trade, but it was the only thing i could think of to trade and to sacrifice. But i know life doesn't work that way. I just thought i'd give it a shot.

If this incident has taught me anything it is this - some things are beyond our control. There's no use thinking about it, dwelling on it or crying over it. All we can do is work on the present and maybe plan for the future. And be prepared to get disappointed. Anything else is a bonus. Not the best of philosophies to live by, but it's something i've learned through experience. I'm not bitter. I'm just older.

"Till the day we meet again

In my heart is where i'll keep you friend"

Choo Jian Yi (1987 - 2009)

That's twisted

2009-09-13T20:02:00.005+08:00

So here's my assignment:

given 20 minutes to blog,
can't talk about basketball,
can't talk about person who gave me the task.

If only i'm this hardworking when it comes to actual assignments.

So it was Friday night, and we were playing for the Monash invitational trophy. Can't elaborate more (clause number 2). The only thing i can say is that i twisted my ankle and i twisted it bad. First thing i did when i twisted the ankle was cover my face and roll on the ground. So everyone thought i had a facial injury. I write this because my teammates can't stop making fun of my actions that day.

Anyhoo, we won the thing and i got the MVP vote. Again, no elaboration can be given. So celebration naturally ensued. We had dinner at Asia Cafe. I had to drive there and walk a fair bit from where i parked. But that was fine. Then at dinner the subject of karaoke came up. And i stupidly agreed. Not so much the going for karaoke with my team mates, more the decision to go karoke and the drinking beer part. That's right, i drank beer with a twisted ankle. You're allowed to shake your heads now.

I couldn't sleep that night, 'cause of the pain. Anyways, went to some tabib today and (after a very painful massage session) was told to stay off games for a month. One whole friggin month! And i thought i'd be fine after a week. So hopefully there'll be some studying done in that period. So for the next few days:

walking up one flight of stairs will take me at least 5 minutes
travelling from my room to the toilet or staircase will be by the rolling chair
foot will smell of chinese herb
it'll take me longer than usual to sleep 'cause i need to find the correct position to place my foot
bathing will be hell

I'll give myself 2 weeks before i get the itch and force myself to play games again.

Strange

2009-09-04T20:29:00.003+08:00

So there we were, walking side by side. It felt kinda strange, 'cause i hadn't felt this way in a long time. It felt even better when her hand clasped mine. Then we sat on the park bench. Her seemingly nervous and frightful. Me a little fearful 'cause i sensed something serious was about to happen. The night was cool and windy. Or hot and humid. Can't be sure. It was like i was watching from atop.

Then she said it.

"We can't be together 'cause our friends say you're a bad influence. My grades are dropping 'cause of you".

I woke up hating my friends.

This was brought to you by Vjay's Weird Dreams.Inc.

Weird or special?

2009-08-27T02:06:00.002+08:00

Weird or special?

I can hear a pin drop in the other room, but can't hear a car crash just behind me (highly exaggerated).
I need to watch something on my laptop (placed on table beside my bed) before i can fall asleep.
I keep all my ang pow packets.
I've slept in my walk-in closet.
I once walked home from the Subang KTM station - carrying soup.
Once when i was working at GSC, i went down to Watson's to buy hair gel, still in uniform. A woman mistakenly thought i was a Watson's employee and asked me to look for a product. And I DID.
When i was young, i was afraid that lions would come out of dark corners in my house.
I was in my primary school recorder club.
When in primary school,my friends and i decided to form an investigations group (ala Hardy Boys) so as to investigate gangsters in nearby secondary school.
The one and only time i had a crush on an Indian girl was when i was seven years old (she was my classmate).

That's just 10 of my 'weird or special' things about me. I have plenty more, but i can't just give your everything now can i?

Basketball-full

2009-08-24T17:52:00.011+08:00

This is almost becoming a monthly edition. If not for a certain new reader, i doubt i'd be as motivated to update. Though it's not for lack of material, more like lack of enthusiasm. But i'm enthusiastic enough now, plus it's not everyday i get to brag a little. Don't worry, i'll try to make this as short as possible (ELTH).

Can't remember if i've mentioned this, but i joined a non-chinese basketball team recently, which was really my dream (big ambitions) since i was 17. So yeah, i got in the team and i played my first tournament with the team last week. I was pretty pumped up for the first game, and we did well; winning by 30 odd points. Plus i got my first ever double digit score! Only just though. 10 points.

After that it went downhill. First the organizers postponed our game, which resulted in them rescheduling our match to the following week. End result: 3 games in 4 days. As if that wasn't bad enough, i had my Monash sports carnival thing going on. I had to skip the futsal games (paid 5 bucks for nothing), and i had my basketball games on the days i don't have my non-chinese team tournament. So to summarize:

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday = Tournament with non-chinese team
Wednesday, Friday = Monash Sports carnival basketball games
Result = 5 consecutive nights of competitive basketball!

Now normally this would be something i'd relish. But on Monday, an opponent came charging to me shoulder first, hitting me on my back. And no foul was called! I tried getting up after the hit, but i went straight down. The pain was unbearable for awhile, and i thought "Crap, not a serious injury". Moments later the pain was all gone and i jumped to my feet, ready to play again! It was like in football, this player gets fouled then fakes injury; gets the free kick and gets back right up. But my pain was real, i just had too much adrenaline flowing to feel it then.

Felt it the next day though, and the days after that. Ended up losing the group stages of the tournament, so got knocked out. Personally i was super disappointed and frustrated with myself and the circumstance i was in. First, i suffered major back pains after every game. Secondly, i was frustrated 'cause i felt that i didn't try hard enough for the last do-or-die game. It was a Thursday, the fourth consecutive night of basketball playing. So maybe i was a little tired. But still.. I've always hated losing, and what's worse is when i feel like my intensity wasn't there. I try not to show it, but it hurts so bad.

The final day of the 5 day sports package, Friday, was the semis and the final of the Monash Sports carnival. We had won the in the group stages on Wednesday, and so we're in the semis. I was pretty determined not to lose this time, disregarding the pain for one night (sounds heroic). So i played full minutes of both the semis and finals, and thankfully we won. Not without a fight, but i had just enough in the tank to see it through.

So was it all worth it? The pain, physically and phsycologically? Hell yeah. A gold medal and a MVP trophy to boot. Though my back hurts like hell still.

I wanna be made

2009-07-25T15:19:00.003+08:00

First week of the semester has come and gone, and it's been a breeze so far. Only because it's the first week and also 'cause i've only got two classes. This may sound pathetic, but this semester's the first time i've seen so many girls in one class! They're all in my business elective class, called Introduction to Management. It is true what they say; it is sad to be an engineer. I think the elective was introduced to show the engineering people what they've been missing. Well, mission accomplished!

Since i've only got 2 days of classes in a week, i (my parents) have decided that it's best that i look for a part time job. Since my dad's retired, money's an even bigger issue. Hence the need to look for a job. The tutor job's all gone now, so i've got to look for another. I don't think i'd make a good tutor anyway (says i, trying to comfort myself). I've already applied as a call centre guy, and am almost certain to get it. I know it's not an ideal job, but it pays more than the average retail/f&b shop. It's all about the money.

The two day week classes has afforded me so many things i couldn't really do before. Like sleep for hours and wake up past noon. I know it sounds bad, but i'm saving my parents some money. Now i only eat brunch, so less one meal to prepare/pay for. But then again, i've been having really late night suppers, so that evens things out.

One thing i have been doing pretty consistently is watching MTV Made. It's my current favourite show. There's something about the transition from loser to winner that keeps me intrigued. Even if you know that the guy/girl makes it in the end, still the whole process of getting there is pretty entertaining. I always end up rooting for the person, 'cause i like the whole underdog thing.

Watching Made made me think about my own Made dream. It can't be like "I wanna be a better basketball player" 'cause i know how to play a little. It has to be something i have no idea how to do, or something i really suck at. I already have something in mind, but it's too embarassing to tell. All i'll say is that it's something musical. That's all i'm telling.

Don't know if you remember, but there was this program called Benson & Hedges Golden Dreams once upon a time on local TV. It's similar to Made, where this person gets to go do something they've always wanted bla bla bla.. I think i remember space training and sky diving. If it ever makes a comeback, i'd go for something like "training with an NBA team and playing an exhibition match with them". That'd be fun.

I guess i have too much time, dreaming up stuff. And it's not all that practical, 'cause you're supposed to be working on chasing your own dreams and stuff. But a person can dream.

I wanna be made.

Break going-on's

2009-07-20T12:23:00.011+08:00

I think an update's due. The holidays have come to an end, and the new semester starts today. Officially i only start tomorrow 'cause i only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays (woohoo!). The break's a lil short, though for the first time i'm actually looking forward to university. Maybe it's because i only have a few classes. Maybe it's because i'm taking a business elective (chicks chicks chicks). Or maybe it's because i've sortof made new friends, and it'll be interesting to see where this leads. What i should be feeling is dread 'cause most of my batchmates have graduated and are off uni which leaves me and a few others -most of whom i'm not that close to- to wander around the campus. Don't be alarmed though, i'm sure this bout of enthusiasm will die off soon enough.

Had a basketball tournament last week, playing for the uni. Playing for the uni isn't as glamorous as it's shown on tv. There are no preppy cheerleaders, or cameras or NBA scouts. Just a bunch of guys playing some basketball. We did okay i guess, won a game and lost two. Didn't advance to the second round, so naturally i was pretty disappointed. With my own performance, more than anything else. I always feel i could do better, and it's no different this time around. Proud of my team mates though, we were the best in the tournament in terms of team spirit. We cheered for each other, high fives aplenty, just amazing. I'm especially amazed by the guys who didn't get to play, or those who didn't play much, 'cause they were cheering us on throughout and in high spirits the whole time. I knew if it was me, i'd be semi-sulking in one corner and basically being a lousy team mate. So let's be glad i actually played. Stole a few pictures from facebook:

Prior to the tournament, we had a week's full of training. First of all i'll say this; Malaysians should just start deleting 'punctuality' from their dictionaries. Because the word does not exist in this part of the world. There i was rushing to get to training on time and i end up waiting for over an hour sometimes just to see the second person who'd come for training. Anyways, training was fun in a way. I actually miss all the torture. Training was all the more memorable when i got my first ever summon for double parking! And on the only day i had the use of the car! Funny thing is, i was actually smiling when i got my summon. Don't know, maybe i felt that it was a rite of passage i had to go through in life. I'm weird.

United came to town! They're still here i know, but i won't be seeing them again. I have to say we (United not Malaysia) played some pretty sloppy football and i hope they're not signs of things to come. As the match wore on, my heart died-ed a lil more inside. We had no imagination, no creativity, no one to provide any spark. I hate to say this, but without the ass who is the former number 7, we looked pretty ordinary. The game itself was pretty good i guess, with the national team giving a good fight. Big difference between watching the game on the telly and watching it live in the stadium. Though the Malaysian public just pisses me off. Will go into details when i'm in a bitchin' mood, 'cause it'll be a long long post if i get into it now. Took a few pictures, though they weren't clear. Not at all:

There's only so much i could do with a 7.1 megapixel camera and a seat in row Z of the second tier.

Final chapter

2009-07-05T14:25:00.007+08:00

So another chapter (semester) ends, and this was by far one of the toughest semesters ever. Then again, i've finished my final year project! Who would've thunk it. The holy grail of the engineering course, and i've completed it. In time. Well, sort of. Together with my FYP partner, Tommy/Toomy/Tummy/Too heavy for lift/Tai Kor/Tuition centre guy, we had a go at what i thought was a pretty challenging subject: Using vegetable oil in diesel engines. Sounds complex, don't it. The end result? Maybe my expectations were too high, but i thought i could've done better. I thought i was going to come up with something so different, so rare, a new discovery maybe. But in the end we managed to just do the bare minimum i think. That's nothing against tuition centre guy. He's pushed me at times when i wanted to give up. So thanks for that.

How did this semester differ from the other ones? Let's see.. Not much really. There's the semester-ly struggle-to-concentrate-or-do-anything-substantial-thing, and also the not-understanding-what's-going-on-till-the-last-minute-and-even-then-still-don't-really-understand thing. The biggest difference is probably being active in the sports department again. Sad to say, basketball's probably the biggest joy i've had in the four years i've been in this academic institution. And now i'm back for more. The downside of it all is, at 23 years of age, i'm already considered the veteran of the team! Yeah i get it, i'm old. I'll graduate soon, promise.

I've got another semester to go, so i'm hoping i'll give it one last hurrah. Academically first and foremost. Then sports and social life. I'm praying hard that i'll get a tutor job since i'm only doing 2 subjects and the extra money would be great considering my dad's retired and all. So now it's back to taking the bus to uni. The squeezing of bodies in the metal box. The sweat drenched shirts. The long walk from bus stop to uni. Fun. I know people have had it worse, but who cares la. I'm suffering too.

Since i've got another semester to go, maybe i'm not feeling as nostalgic as my batch mates are. Though after reading their entries, it kinda hit me that i won't be seeing them as often anymore. So that's a bummer. I have this thing, that if i don't say goodbye it means that i'll be seeing you again. Soon. So i won't. But thanks engineering guys, the three years or so has been an adventure. First year's not counted, 'cause i didn't really know you all. Stuck up fellas. Good, bad, amusing, bemusing. It's all there. Here's to great memories and hopefully more to come down the road.

And don't steal my job!

23 ain't so sweet

2009-05-31T14:20:00.007+08:00

After clearing the cobwebs and dusting off the figurative object that is my blog, i've come to realise that i have not updated since March. Which begs the question - am i really that busy? The obvious answer to the question is a resounding NO. I've pretended to be busy, i've acted all stressed out, i've appeared all jaded and exhausted. But really, i'm plain lazy. And that, is probably the only constant in my 23 years of life. Laziness.

By the by, i turned 23 about a month and a half ago. It was a relatively quiet affair, a barbie over at my place. By my place i mean my parents' place. I don't really own a place. And also in the uni lab. Anyways, the whole 2-day celebration thing was low-key which was good. I've come to the age where i don't really like to announce my getting older. 18 and 21 were good years to celebrate. Coincidentally they were the two years i got pissed drunk on my birthday. On my 18th birthday i started sms-ing smack in the middle of the dance floor. On my 21st.. well, i did things that weren't really that bad but they weren't really good too. Oh and i puked my guts out on both occasions. I digress. Anyhoo, here are some pictures for when i turned 23:

Now that i am well into my 23rd year, i've noticed changes in myself. For one, clubbing and drinking don't really appeal much to me anymore (really la). And i've rediscovered my love for competitive basketball, which is always good. I find myself full of ideas on what to do and what to write (especially on my thesis). Yet those ideas are usually drowned out by the waves of laziness emitting from in me or fizzles out whenever my hands touch a pencil/keyboard. In other words, i still haven't touched my report or research paper.

A friend asks me if this is enough, this life i'm living. Having (below) average grades, always having to push myself to do something i know i'm not good at and not particularly interested in; mediocre-ly, i might add, too busy to make new friends, being single. He had to bring up the "Wow, you're still single?" line. I'm not too fond of this friend anymore. Anyways, i say it'll have to do for now. Nope, no deep or thought provoking answers. Just that. Plus, my mind's all messed up already anyways, over feelings i have, which may be for all the wrong reasons. No elaborations will be given.

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonades"

Hint hint

Sports Diary

2009-03-24T13:09:00.004+08:00

My life's been down in the dumps lately, and it got me all emo-ey and all that. What precipitated this bout of emo-ness has to be the loss of my less-than-a-month old Nokia 5320. I just got to know the little fella, and now it's gone. Now to the how's. The four of us went to 1Utama for some rock climbing. Being virgin climbers we didn't know the procedures or whatnots involving the climb, so naturally we only did what we were told. We were told to get changed, and so we did. In the changing room we noticed lockers, so we put our stuff in the empty lockers. What we weren't told was that we could've rented or purchased padlocks at the front desk. But, in saying all that, i'll have to admit the theft was partly my fault too. I never had the habit of putting my phone on silent whenever i leave it in my bag, and it proved my undoing. So now the phone's gone, and in it my nurse whistle message tone. And some money.

I tried getting my phone back, but apparently our country has a stance on being slow to pick up on the latest technology. While i'm not exactly someone who's text-heavy (inside joke), i picked up a little bit on how a phone line works. I had a huge lead on the thief, but was met with stumbling blocks every turn i take. So when all avenues had been exhausted, all i could do was just give up and feel low. That incident coupled with a few others just gave me the feeling of hopelessness, like nothing good's been happening to me in a long time. So now my faith in humanity is at an all time low. I don't see the point in being a nice person anymore. What's the point. As a friend pointed out, "Nice guys finish last. Always".

With all the crappy stuff happening, i turned to the only thing that can keep my spirit up: sports. Rock climbing was awesome, though super tiring. I would recommend it to anyone who wants to try something new and different. On the same day (rock climbing + theft), i had a 3 on 3 basketball tournament back in uni. In hindsight, rock climbing wasn't really a good idea before a tournament, but i've never done it before so i thought i'd give it a shot. Anyways, by the time i got to the court my hands were limp and i was shooting air balls. So i resorted to lay up-ing. In the end we lost in the first round itself, by a point. Best part is, i didn't know we were so close i kinda gave up toward the end. But i didn't think i could've pushed my body for the next round anyways. Also, the same night, had a futsal session with my brother and friends. Needless to say, played crappily.

Been also playing a whole lot of night basketball, which beats morning and evening basketballs hands down. This has also brought back my competitive spirit, which was lost awhile back. So now i'm strongly considering rejoining the uni basketball team, if i can get in. Apparently the talent pool's grown, so i'll have to work hard to get in. Though i've given myself the condition of the basketball not interfering with school work, which is gonna be hard but i have this sense of wanting to achieve something before i enter the work force.

Also, i followed a friend to 1Utama for futsal 'bout a month back to play with his friends. I knew a few of them, so it was a friendly atmosphere. I didn't try to be too serious 'bout the game. Until i came up against this guy. We were attacking, and the ball dropped in front of me in front of the opposition goal. So, it being a 50-50 ball, i tried stabbing the ball in. This guy A (for a-hole) managed to get to the ball before me, resulting in me accidentally kicking his leg. So i smiled, apologised to him and expecting to get a smile and a "it's ok" sign from the guy. This is what A arrogantly says to me:

"Next time kick the ball bro"

Oh yeah, thanks for the advice bro. So that's how football is played. You're supposed to kick the ball. All this while i thought we were supposed to kick feet.

If that wasn't enough, he decides to drop some knowledge on my friend who was smoking. He was saying how smoking was bad for your health, look at him, older but still playing with the young guys. Oh yeah, this guy A was a portly fella. And here he is giving out health advice to another person.

Why don't you lay off the banana leaf first, bro (he's Indian).

Aiyo Technology

2009-03-03T01:49:00.011+08:00

Keeping this page updated is hard. Even typing this post out needed heaps of self-coaxing. Can't pinpoint the exact reason, other than the obvious - i'm just plain lazy. I guess another reason for the non-updates is the fact that i've been going through so many emotions, i just didn't feel like letting the whole wide world (read: you five readers) know everything i'm going through. I'll admit, i haven't been feeling the best lately, and it's partly due to the flu. But i'm fine now.

The summer break just came and went, and so i've met up with classmates studying in Australia who were down for the break. It's getting expensive, this making friends thing. But it's a good thing i guess, else i'd just be sitting at home wondering why i don't have any friends. Anyways, i had Sara's birthday, the trip to genting, and the dinner at Shabu Shabu to keep me occupied (and broke) during the holidays. I'd better damn well cherish the moments before we graduate (me later than most) and inevitably, go our separate ways.

Then there's the small matter of my final year project. It's no fun going to the uni every other day during the holidays just to inhale the fine aroma of diesel/vegetable oil. You haven't smelt it all till you smell crude palm oil (Google it up). Puke-inducing, is all i'll say. So yeah, me and my FYP partner Tommy reek of diesel on a daily basis. Our uni life this semester is only limited classes, the lab, and the occasional forays into the outside world for lunch. And you wonder why engineering students are the loneliest/weirdest ones.

In other news, i've got a new handphone! Even though it's only a credit card redemption phone, it is by far the best phone i've ever owned. It's got 3G, bluetooth, and it can play music! I know i'm really kampung when it comes to technology, but who cares la. It took me a long time to figure out how to transfer music, and even longer on how to send an sms.

So i'm a hillbilly.

But i'm a hillbilly with a new phone.

The year that was: 2008

2009-01-30T17:43:00.022+08:00

After a brief (relatively) hiatus, i am back to blogging. In my defense i was doing my internship which is really a whole lot more taxing than people think. It wasn't all just beer-drinking or sitting around doing nothing, it was hard work too. Sometimes i do labour work, but i don't complain much. All i'm saying is that it annoys the hell out of me when people think my work is easy or irrelevant. I'm sure if some of you out there were to do what i did you'd be going home to momma.

Anyways, this post isn't about my internship or people who annoy me. Believe you me, i can go on and on about those two topics. No, today, rather belatedly, is a look back at the year 2008 for me, a higlight reel if you will. Only it's in words and pictures. So here goes nothing:

Melbourne, Australia
It's pretty hard to imagine now, but i spent half of 2008 in Melbourne. It felt like ages ago. I remember my first few days there, all bright-eyed and eager to live life and have a heck of a time in a foreign country. But it all turned out pretty different. Well, not bad-different but very much different from what i had expected. I made very good friends with a housemate and her (now former) boyfriend, and things just went on from there. Although it was a little bit of a struggle, i thought i did okay on my own. Taught me a whole lot 'bout independence. But life was pretty ordinary i guess. Made a few friends, earned some money, had some drinks, won a basketball tournament, tried new things, visited places, failed a subject, played some games. Ordinary stuff.

Home, Malaysia
The other half of 2008 was spent right here in Malaysia. There's nothing like not knowing how much you miss home than spending a year away from it. It definitely took some adjusting when i just got back. But familiar faces made things so much easier, and before you know it, it was like i never left. I did get some stick for having a slight 'accent' but that was soon phased out and i was Malaysianized in no time. No sense of achievement towards the second half of 08 i guess, except maybe juggling time between cramming all the parties/activities/yamcha sessions i've missed for a year with trying not to flunk again. Which i didn't. So that's some achievement i guess. I'll take what i can get. So yeah, the higlights of the year has to be the parties and gatherings and whatnot.

So that's about all that's happened last year. Not all that exciting i know, but sometimes a mellow year ain't that bad. I know it's 'bout 2 months into 2009 but i still can hope for the best. The talk 'bout a recession this year isn't exactly the great promise most of us were looking for, but i guess it's best to stay positive. Even if it means going out less, or not clubbing as often, or buying less stuff. In spite of all that, i would still want to spell out my resolutions for the new year. So this is my:

Resolutions of '09

Meet more people, make more friends, widen my horizon
Finish my course by this year
Be fitter, lose some weight, gain more stamina
Be better in sports, namely basketball and futsal
Be a better person, even if it kills me sometimes
Hope certain things work out for me this time

Okay, number 6 isn't really a resolution, but i thought i'd slip it in just because. Here's to a solid if not great 2009. Hope things work out well for all.

Reasons

2008-11-21T15:44:00.002+08:00

If i had a middle name, it would be 'Procrastination'. I procrastinate on everything. You name it, i procrastinate on it. Heck, i even procrastinate on sleep. The problem is i think ahead on what i'm about to do, have it all planned out in my head, do some mind-scheduling, then muck it all up by sitting down doing nothing absolutely nothing related to the pre-planned stuff in head. You know the story on how Einstein was a dreamer of a kid in school, yet he became the smartest man of all time? Well, if that was the case i should be a genius right about.....now. The part of the story where he already knew everything his teacher taught doesn't really apply here and is therefore omitted. Come to think of it, Einstein sounds like a pissy know-it-all.

Anyways, enough digressing. Finished with exams over a week ago, and here's all i've done:

play my one and only computer game, Fifa '05 (i'm old school)
watch movies on me lappie
eat and sleep (packaged together as the "Get-Fat Combo")
went to uni for a day, met with lecturer and talked 'bout my thesis project, and that was it. No progress to that
did some cardio work for 3 consecutive days, then spent the next 3 days telling myself, "Maybe i'll run again today". Today's the fourth day.

There's also waiting by the phone for a phone call from a company who's supposed to be offering me an internship post anytime soon. And, more importantly, sweating over my exam results. Which brings me to the main topic of the post, in a very round-about way. I've already passed the one subject i was really worried about, dubbed the "2nd hardest subject in Mechanical Engineering". So i was pretty relaxed after meeting the lecturer of the subject, who called me in for a review of the paper. Or so i thought. On the day i was to uni for my thesis discussion, a friend told me that a lecturer for another subject we both took told him that he passed the paper (happy for him) but that there were some who've failed (paranoia for me). Then i had a flashback moment - when i saw him earlier in the day, i did my usual greet and smile thing, which he'd normally reply in kind. But this time he was like all gloomy and non-smiling (cue total paranoia).

I can't afford to fail again. Not mentally. Not emotionally. Not financially. You know the phrase, "Everything happens for a reason"? I hate it. Mainly because it's putting everything down to fate, and "destiny". I hate not being in control of my own future and when things don't go the way i planned it. Which is kinda ironic really (read top of post). But i don't deny that some things are out of my hands, and fate does play some part. The thing is, i think we sometimes tend to depend on it (fate) too much. And when things don't work out, hey 'everything happens for a reason' right?

It plays with my mind, this fate thing. A few years back a family friend/fortune teller was reading my palm on my mom's request. So on she went predicting my future. Everything was goin' fine till it came to my education. Apparently i'm destined to struggle in my studies. Sensing my disappointment, family friend/fortune teller tells me that i'll be successful if and when i'm done with my studies. Great. Thanks a bunch. Then there was this time when i was 12, tuition teacher/future monk used some book to read my future, and told me that i'm gonna be filthy rich in the future - but the catch is i'm gonna be fat too. Now you see my obsession with my weight.

Now i try my best to not be affected by these things, but it does get in my head especially when it all seems like it's coming true. Except the 'get rich' part. Anyways, this post has gone on long enough. Time to do something substantial.

I'm gonna go for a run.

Ok, i'm gonna think about going for a run.

Damnit.

Gravity

2008-09-30T06:29:00.004+08:00

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh twice as much aint twice as good
And can't sustain like one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees

Oh twice as much aint twice as good
And can't sustain like one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
And gravity has taken better men than me
Now how can that be?

Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
Ohh.. where the light is

McFlurry

2008-09-25T19:33:00.011+08:00

Before we move on with our 'person who has a blog(i don't like calling myself a blogger)-reader' relationship, i feel that there is something i must confess. I'm putting my reputation on the line here, but i feel is something i have to say. You may look at me differently after this, but this a risk i have to take. So here goes:

I'm a fan of Hugh Grant movies

Not necessarily the actor himself, it's just that there's something about British humour that amuses me more than anything. It's different from the American humour, which mostly rely on slapstick anyways. Most British movies (or movies with British people in it) i watch just have this brand of humour, which is pretty hard to explain. And most of 'em has Hugh Grant in it. Hence the statement above. What inspired this confession/moment of madness? I just watched Music and Lyrics on HBO, and i thought the dude was funny. And i kinda like the song they composed in the movie. Corny, i know. Don't tell anyone.

I've been pretty sick lately, and when i get sick it comes in a package. No no, i can't just have the flu, or the cough, or the headache, or the fever. No, i have to have 'em all. Strangely enough, all these symptoms arose just as work was picking up. Which, after all my years studying engineering has taught me, led me to conclude that i just might be allergic to work! No seriously. I just start work and bam! I fall sick. I wasn't sick when i went to Penang or Malacca for my holidays. I wasn't sick when i was out clubbing or yamcha-ing. When there's work? Sick. I wonder if it's like a real condition with real diagnosis and all.

My semester break's coming. If you can call it that. During the "break", i've got 3 days of classes AND a test. Plus there're assignments and reports and final year project stuff to work on. But knowing me, i'll probably think 'bout the work, get stressed and hang out with friends to de-stress.. while work remains untouched. Pray that i change. The only upside to the holiday week is that my parents may be goin' off to Singapore to visit their school friends (innocent-but-kinda-not-really grin).

I've been hanging out a whole lot with a bunch of people lately, and it's been fun just doin' nothing. Then there were the gatherings at the parks and the hanging out with the cops and the falling on the ramp stuff. I shall not divulge anything, 'cause you had to be there to know it. But i'll say that it's pretty impressive when someone can fall and pose at the same time when he/she(not saying who) is drunk-ish high. Anyways the downside of all the hanging out is that i'm growing a friggin' belly! Maybe it's the mini beer-fest we had. Or the complete abandonment of sports. Or the late night meals. Or the nights sitting in front of the computer in the lab/at home, stopping only to pee or eat. Whatever it is, the belly's agrowing.

I feel like i have to explain the title of this post. I always think long and hard about my titles, trying to make it as interesting as i can. So i thought, "what's the post about?" only to find that it's a whole bunch of nothing's. So then i thought "there're quite a few updates here". Then my head goes: Bunch of updates = I'm hungry = Can't eat 'cause i'm growing a belly = I like McDonald's = Haven't had the choc sundae in a while = What other stuff do the serve over in Mackers? = Mmm.. would love a cheeseburger now = Wait a minute, a flurry of updates! = McFlurry!

My mind works in mysterious ways.

I present to you..

2008-09-06T18:44:00.013+08:00

"Good morning, er, afternoon to, to.. my supervisors, Dr.'s Kenny and Keith, Dr. Teoh and my fellow students. Today.. wait. Let me first make a short introduction of ourselves. My name is Vijendran, in case you don't know (nervous laugh) and this is my group member, Tommy Yip. So let me begin. So as you know... Why are we doing this? What's the motivating... factor behind our.. why we chose this subject....."

It goes on like this for the next 10 minutes or so. That's my presentation in a nutshell. I can write okay (i think) but when it comes to talking, i'm a nervous wreck. It didn't help of course that my part of the slides were done pretty last minute and i had little or no practice. Plus formal clothes make me uncomfortable. And i had diarrhoea on that day. Talk about a quadruple combo! It was definitely one of the longest 8-10 minutes i've experienced. But i survived to tell the story, so i guess it wasn't that bad. Got okay marks even.

It says a lot when i blog about engineering stuff, especially when it involves a super minor presentation. But that's about as much excitement in my life now, plus with all the pressure from others (rat shoe) to post something this is all i got. Actually i've got heaps of material in my head but somehow that doesn't transcend to typing up a post.

Anyways, on the night of the presentation we headed out to this steamboat place called Summer over in Sunway. I arrived 'bout an hour after the supposed meeting time (valid reason in tow - i was kidnapped!) to find the rest eating joyfully, laughing and joking about. I then saw the reason for all the chirpiness - the chivas bottle on the table. Oh, the dinner was to celebrate two of our classmates' birthdays, whose birthdays are 2 days apart. So in true Malaysian spirit, we celebrated their birthdays together so as to save some money. Pictures:

Shorts

2008-07-29T01:03:00.005+08:00

Thought i'd post a little something, since i've recently found out that people actually still visit this page (by accident or not, that's a different story la). Nothing much to talk about, not really because i haven't been doing anything rather i haven't done anything too significant till it warrants an entry. But, since i haven't really updated i thought now's as good a time as any. Really a cumulative of everything that's going on recently, hence the title.

Went over to this new pub/club over in Pyramid called Republic (it's new to me la) for Sue Anne's birthday the other day. Have to admit, it was entertaining and relaxing at the same time. It's a nice place to just chill and have a drink (or five) with friends. I've decided if i do ever have a birthday do it'll be at places like this or Laundry. But back to the party. Weng Hon and i had a reaaaaly tough time trying to get a birthday present, which by the way, is not my forte. Not by a long shot. But eventually we settled on the present(s), and everything was fine and dandy. Got to the party, had a table allocated for us, and just sat down drinking cocktails the whole night. Then two...erm... transsexuals came out and started pulling guys down to the dance floor, feeling guys up in the process. All i'll say is that Gary and Andrew had more fun than the rest of us.

Been lepak-ing lots with the lot recently. Plus there were like always a "guest" or two joining us for our countless yumcha sessions. It's like us being regulars in a tv series and we have guest stars for every episode. Some are a big success they stay longer than expected while some appear in short bursts. Good analogy eh? Been lepak-ing with uni friends too, watching movies and eating dinners. Basically been lepak-ing too much la.

The house is getting renovated now, and i'm more than a little annoyed. I mean, i know it'll turn out nice and all but the things i'll have to endure during the renovation period is hell. Dirt everywhere, don't know what's clean and what's not. I'm now sleeping on the floor in my sister's study room, which is a little too small for me. The fun part about the whole thing is that i'll get a walk-in wardrobe, bigger room and i get to choose my wall colours. It's nice my parents asked me for my input into the whole renovation thing, and actually taking some of my ideas.

Okay maybe the shorts aren't that short anymore. Will name the next one pants then.

Apparently i've been coming up with lame jokes recently.

Alien Comforts

2008-07-14T18:47:00.005+08:00

Just in case you don't know - I'm home! It's been 2 weeks since i left for home, and i've been busy. Been out on most days, just meeting up with friends and catching up. Even went over to Malacca and Penang for my dose of Malaysian food, and got a sore throat for my troubles. No complaints, though.

It's pretty hard to take in the fact that i've been away for a whole year when everything's so comfortable here (not literally la, here so damn hot). Just being in my own home needed acclimatising, like playing with the switches, or trying to figure out where i hid my personal stuff, or even trying to figure out the new Astro channels. It's pretty fun, getting used to life at home again. Then again, taking the bus home from uni, not so fun.

For the uninitiated, i failed another subject - again. I haven't decided if i want to mope about at home or just shrug it off. I'm bemused when i meet people who've failed numerous times and still go about their lives normally, like it's no big deal. I secretly wish i could be one of them, no feelings of guilt or sadness. But.. i'm not. The results were abit unexpected, 'cause i thought i did okay for most of the papers. I guess i didn't. So gotta work harder still this semester la, what else.

I get a whole lot of "Would you go back there?" questions from people, and it's a toughie, that one. I liked it there, but i can't help but feel that if i wasn't that enthused about being there i would've been miserable. Don't get me wrong, i loved the fact that i could go to another country and just experience new things and all that, but there might be a more depressing motive underneath all that cherry pop and sunflower seeds (??) reasons i've given for going over to Oz-land.

I think maybe i've been running away from all my troubles back home. It's so convenient, leave all my troubles behind and just start anew in a different country. Thing is, i had to come back after a year. I guess troubles didn't go away. Ideally i'd love to face them and get it over with, but who knows what i might do/feel. So i guess i'll stick to what i do best, for now. Avoid them. Or wait till they face me.

So right now i'll just focus on the usual - studies, getting fit(er), and of course - getting the Astro channels right.

Stop this train

2008-06-15T20:34:00.003+08:00

No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

(think I got 'em now)

World we're in

2008-06-09T23:29:00.004+08:00

Whoa, 2 posts in successive days! I must really be NOT studying. I know it's like talking to myself really when i blog, 'cause i don't really advertise my blog and only a select few (to my knowledge) know 'bout the existence of this site. But i'm not that big on advertisement, i just like to keep things under the radar, so to speak. Plus i think being attractive is like a pre-requisite to have a popular blog. Either that or you've got to be a really good writer. Or maybe have bucket-loads of friends. Nay on all 3 counts for me. Though i do have to admit sometimes when i'm lacking better things to do, i read my old entries and i think, "Not too shabby".

What about not studying? Yeah, that's what i'm doing. Or not doing. Or doing. Oh, the books and papers are all there, but the input into hollow head isn't. Everytime i start doing a question i think, "Ah, screw it" and proceed to play spider solitaire (which happens to be my new favourite game btw, just ahead of pinball and solitaire). I know it's sad, but i don't have any PC games or any PS' to keep me entertained alright? I have to make do, get off my case.

I don't think i've seen daylight in 'bout 4 days already. The toes are next, if you know what i mean. Just to illustrate how sad my life's been lately: i spent a good hour or so talking to a friend about coffee and coffee-making! I even drew pictures for her, for (expletive)'s sake! Now, i'm not dissing coffee and the art of making coffee, but i just need better things to do. Studying, maybe?

People have been asking me over and over again if i'm excited, going home and all. I always say 50-50 'cause i'm always the on-the-fence guy. Yeah, i can hardly ever make a firm decision on my own. But now i'll answer the question truthfully. Am i excited to go home? Honestly, no. Sure i miss my family and friends and if you asked me the same question a month back i'll lean towards "yes" more. But with the increase in petrol prices comes the decrease in chances i'll get a car, the enthusiasm's been curbed, by a whole lot.

Everyone back home i talk to tells me 'bout the crappy state the country's in now, and i couldn't agree more. If you ever bothered listening to me, i've always said i'm passionate 'bout politics. I despise it with all my heart. Everyone's corrupted, everyone has that "what about me" attitude, everyone's looking after their wallets. Sometimes i picture myself going into politics just to take the corrupted a*holes one by one, but then i fear i might get corrupted myself. Corruption's so common in our country that police officers have to wear those "No to bribery" (or it's Malay equivalent) badges. Like the badges automatically prevents them from actually taking bribes. They'd be better off wearing some buzzer-like thingy that sends mini-shocks to them everytime they attempt to take a bribe.

But hey, we're Malaysians right? "Aiyah, don't worry, can bribe wan" should be our country's motto. Bribing is so convenient to us we might plunge into a crisis if corruption is wiped out entirely. So what now? Nothing. Money equates to power, that's the world we live in. Money makes the world go round and hey, if money tells you the world is flat, the world is flat. No i'm not being some noble person telling people that money is the root of all evil. I like money. I think it's nice. I would like to have some in my wallet at all times. In fact one of the reasons i took engineering is 'cause i hear it pays well. No, what i'm merely saying, or asking is this: If you were the richest and most powerful person in the world, would you give it up for "the better good"? And if you would, how much are you willing to give up?

Alright, this is getting too political and serious for me. Don't know what inspired me to write something like this, maybe i've been reading too much 'bout the stuff going on back home. So, back to the lighter side. The other day i was buying a birthday card for my dad, and there was funny card which was beer-related. They listed down all the famous sayings, but changed them to suit their beer theme. You get what i mean. Can't remember all of them, but this one tickled me:

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beerholder"

I thought it was a little humorous.

Me and Miss Jones / Birthday Dad

2008-06-08T15:03:00.008+08:00

Norah Jones, that is. Had my first paper on Thursday, and i was a wreck. So there i was, writing my cheat sheet the day before the paper when suddenly i could hardly breathe, everything was a blur, and my heart was beating faster than ever. It was my first ever panic attack! I didn't know i was so worried 'bout the paper till that moment. Usually i'll study what i can and that's it, see what happens in the exam hall. But this time was terrifying, 'cause i've never felt this way before and i didn't know what to do. Not having slept for 20 hours straight leading to the paper didn't help. In the end i decided to cook myself a big meal and listen to some music.

That's when i found Norah Jones and her collection of songs in my Winamp player. I wouldn't normally listen to her, but that night she saved me from a total meltdown. Managed to calm down a little after that and the meal, and the rest of the night passed by uneventfully. But the thing about Norah Jones' songs is that while they're soothing and calming sometimes, other times they're sleep-inducing. So now i'm just keeping her for panic attack moments and switching over to John Mayer to see what effect he has.

Did okay for the paper by the way. At least that's what i think. Marched (slumped) into the exam hall, all dark circles under eyes (my first ever btw, kinda proud of it), and just did what i could do. Though after the first hour or so i was trying harder than normal to keep awake. The cheat sheet helped. A whole lot. Managed to squeeze in a few examples which proved extremely helpful.

It's my dad's birthday today. Usually, and this is true for most occasions, me and my brother would leave it to the last minute to figure out something to get or do to celebrate. We're just not gift-people, my family. You know how usually our personality and outlook on life are based on our parents' personality and outlook right? Here's a story that best reflects my dad and a little bit of myself:

So i had my big break up roughly two years ago now, and i was a mess. That day was particularly rough for me as a new piece of information came up. I couldn't eat and i even had to rush to the uni stairway to isolate myself and bawled my eyes out (yeah, i cried). I called my mom just to talk to someone. Moments later my dad called and asked me what time my classes ended, so he can come pick me up (i usually take the bus). When i got in the car, my dad didn't say anything, only asking how my classes went. Then he drove over to Asia Cafe and brought me pool-ing (and bought me beer too). The main focus on that day was not to see who could win (as it normally is), but to just play and have a beer or two. Then after a couple of games we sat and talked with beer in hand. I remember i was worried 'bout the stupid-est of things, but my dad was just cool and collected, talking to me about it. The thing that struck me most was that he didn't pass any judgment, telling me what to do and all that. He just focused on how i felt and let me do most of the talking.

My point is that my dad may not be the coolest person ever, and yeah we have our disagreements and clashing of views over stuff. But that one incident just showed how he's a great dad, to me at least. Not only because of the beer of course. My family's never big on displays of affection, we don't say "I love yous" as often as some, but when it comes to coming to the aid of a family member in need, there's no doubting my family. I'm a lot like my dad, i think. So while i hope like hell i don't have any family members reading this page ever...

Happy Birthday Dad

KISS

2008-06-03T15:34:00.005+08:00

It's funny how the will to blog is stronger as exams draw closer. It's not only me, there's this other classmate whose blog has increased in activity by tenfolds. My first paper is in 2 days, and needless to say i'm scared shitless. As if i'm not panicky enough, in an extra class for a subject yesterday the lecturer came up with the pass/fail statistics for the previous two tests. The passing rate for the first test was something like 0.97% i think. No, you didn't read it wrong. The second test was decidedly easier, but leave it to me to use totally different formulas for one of the questions. Then, to add insult to injury the lecturer decides to hand out the papers in class by categories: excellent, pass, fail. I didn't bother collecting my paper.

So that's the main contributor to the crumminess i've been feeling. In truth, i've been feeling crappy the past few days already, but this incident hit the nail on the head. I've always felt pressured when it comes to exam season 'cause, through no fault of theirs, classmates tend to send me into a panic frenzy. "What are they talking about?" "Why haven't i heard of this?" "I've never seen this formula!" and so on. So i hole myself in my room, or sit in one corner in the library, far away from the rest, only occasionally walking over to ask questions. This is reminiscent of my first semester in uni, which was the worst semester academically for me thus far. Not a good omen.

Again coffee has been my main companion these past few weeks or so. Though the marshmallows are gone, and recently the milk's all used up too. So now i've resorted to drinking just black coffee, no sugar, no cream, no nothing. I swear soon i'll be eating the ground coffee beans on it's own. With the increased intakes of coffee, sleep has been hard to come by. Now i sleep when people begin work (8-9 am) and wake up at 11 am and 12 pm and 1 pm and finally at 3 pm. It's and, not or. "What's the big deal?" you ask? Well, my papers are all in the morning and there's always the fear of oversleeping or brain shutting down during the exam.

Fact of the day: I need to watch something to fall asleep

I know it's weird, but that's just the way i am. It's usually movies, and by the first 30 minutes or so i'm out. But now it takes 2 whole movies before i blink that blink of sleepiness. Never have i been so determined to sleep. It just wouldn't come. Not at the right time anyways.

Because of, or maybe in spite of the sleeplessness i'm enduring, i've been having too many foot-in-mouth moments. The filter in my head isn't working, together with pretty much everything up there. So now i'm saying the first things that come out of my mind, which isn't a good thing. Regret usually comes immediately after the words were spoken. Now you see the need to constantly self-censor myself. Until the problem is resolved, i'm only gonna speak when it's necessary and after severe filtration.

Despite everything life still manages to throw a bone my way, as if to make up for all the other stuff. I'm a simple but complicated person. I know it's contradicting, but that's how i am. I want things to be kept simple but i always end up complicating matters. So lately, there's something simple that keeps me sane, keeps me happy, makes my heart beat just that lil faster. Maybe it's just me and my interpretation, but hey, to each his own right? Yeah, i know i'm not making much or any sense, but hopefully it will all be clear. As long as it gets me through my crummy periods, or even just as a temporary relief, i'll continue looking at it that way. It's the simple things that matter. So...

Keep It Simple Stupid!

Snail's pace

2008-05-28T15:29:00.010+08:00

Exams exams. The bane of every student i'm sure. 'Cept maybe for those freaks who love these kinda things. So the slog begins. Been to the library the past couple of days or so to rid myself of distractions but at the rate i was going i was better off catching up with some sleep. More on that later on. I've been lazy today, not going to the library and haven't even attempted to pick up my books yet. So to rid myself of the guilt of not doing anything i thought hey, why not blog? At least it's doing something.

This semester's the most taxing to date, for sure. Maybe it's because i actually did some work this time. Or maybe because i'm lazier this time. Who knows? I don't. But what i do know is i'm more weary this time round and sleep this semester is optional. Nah i'm exaggerating. I sleep like a pig, only my sleeping hour's all screwed up. The main cause of all this woe is this subject called Design (aptly named), where we were supposed to design a household solar heater. Will not be a bore with the details, but suffice to say it's not as easy as it sounds. If it indeed sounds easy. Anyways, the project called for sleepless nights and gargantuan (always wanted to use the word) intakes of coffee, which has been my saving grace throughout the semester.

Coffee with marshmallows. Yes, it is as good as it looks.

My group mates

So what other noteworthy stuff that's been going on? Nothing much. Only.. MAN U won the friggin Double! We always make life difficult for ourselves but luckily we came through. I was lucky my housemates brought out their TV to watch their precious cricket (which sucks btw) so i got to watch the final. Albeit in freezing conditions. So i was sitting there balled up in front of the small-ish heater of mine, freezing my ass off. But it was all worth it. Just one thing - why isn't it enough to concentrate on celebrating your team's success? Why the need to taunt others? These kinda things have a way of biting you in the ass in the future.

Also, this happened a long while back, but i won a basketball tourney! It was a really small one, and the competition wasn't as fierce as i thought, but a win nonetheless. It wasn't that easy either, 'cause i was playing center and once we were winning the other teams found it necessary to push/whack/foul/hug me. I always despise these people, who only know how to play rough and dirty to win. There's a line between playing hard and playing dirty. Idiots. Anyways, despite all that, we won. It was a good team, everyone was passing and running around and playing good D.

Our prize. A bag, bottle and radio. We paid 5 bucks each to play, so couldn't expect much.

So that's what's happened in my calendar recently. There are more stuff to write about, but this is threatening to turn into an assignment-long essay. I guess i'll get into them when the spirit moves me. So now it's back to the marshmallow flavored coffee and studying (hopefully).

Turning 22

2008-04-20T14:44:00.008+08:00

I turned 22 last week. Yeap, i did. The day passed without much fanfare, which was exactly what i wanted. After last year's celebrations, a muted one this year feels just about right. Went for lunch and movie with former housemate (her treat), then coffee and cake with said housemate and another friend. And that was it. My friends here tried to get me a surprise gift by calling my ex-housemate and asking her my shoe size, not knowing i was right beside her. But hey, they tried. Here's a big thank you to those who called or messaged (sms, IM, facebook, friendster, e-mail, blog). Thanks for remembering. Anyways, as i was saying, i got new basketball shoes!

The shoes

Birthday card/shoe box

So how is this birthday different from the last? I actually do feel different. Think the word is "sober". Other than that i don't think there's much difference. I still think and eat too much, and exercise and study too little. Like i said, no difference. But, like it or not, i am 22 and getting older by the minute. I can't get away with doing stupid things and blaming it on my age anymore. Maturity is the word floating about now.

Then again i am only 22. The other day i went to this banquet dinner (my first experience... interesting, to say the least) with a bunch of older friends. 60 percent of them are already married! They're only 25 year olds, and all they talk about is who's getting married or why isn't so and so getting married yet. Hell yeah i was freaked out! I sat quietly eating my (very expensive) banquet dinner, looking forward to the booze that inevitably flows later on.

Oh by the way, i'm trying to cut down on the booze and the other related stuff. Just to see how it affects me sports-wise. Already off to a bad start.

Back to the point. I'm not ready to get married at 25! Or 26. Or 27. At that age i'll still be wetbehind the ears, career-wise. There are like millions of things to consider before marriage even comes to mind. A willing bride for one. For now, i'll just stick to trying not to screw up in my studies and trying not to look like the Michelin Man (Indian version) when i'm done. Right now i'm doing a piss poor job in both areas, so pray for me.

After all, i am only 22.

Gold Coast Baybeee

2008-04-12T09:30:00.018+08:00

This has been a long time coming. The laptop's finally stable enough to do some picture uploading, so here i am. Went down to Brisbane back in February(!!), to visit my two friends who were there for their internship(i have since regretted not doing my internship there as well). It was my first ever holiday i paid for by myself, using the money i earned from my summer job. So with my flight booked, bags packed and some money in the pocket, i left for Queensland with the anticipation of fun and relaxation.

And it was, surprisingly, fun and relaxing. The only downside to the trip was that the two friends of mine were still working when i got there, so i was left to fend for myself during the day time on the weekdays. So that was the relaxing part. The fun part was when we drove down to Gold Coast for DreamWorld and Surfer's Paradise. All in all it was one of the better trips i've had. I think the key is not to expect too much, and the good times will be a-flowing. Here's us in action:

So now i can say i've been to Gold Coast, baybeee!!

I'm no superman

2008-03-21T09:07:00.004+08:00

Long time no blog. Reasons:

1) Too lazy
2) Hanging out with my classmates who just came over from Malaysia
3) Waiting to nick the Gold Coast pictures from friends so i can post 'em and talk 'bout it
4) Nothing much to talk about

So what's been going on lately? Since uni started, nothing much. Moved over to a new place, which is, urm... let's just say i wouldn't be all that excited 'bout showing it off to potential guests. Housemates are no better than previous ones. It seems like this house has a "no washing of dishes/pans/cups/cutlery - just stack 'em up and see who drops them" rule. Kinda like Uno Stacko. Only we start from the bottom. And then there's that indian smell. Yeah, you know that smell. I know it's kind of a racist-ey statement, but i'm half indian. So i can't be stand accused of being racist towards my own race.

Since those guys from back home came over, we've been going sports-crazy. Or rather i have. People willing to be associated with me would know that the only two sports that i've ever embraced are football and basketball. So that's what me and my bunch of friends do. Play. Sometimes both of them in a day. It might not sound like much, but it's tiring stuff. And much to the disappointment of my loyal sports fans out there (..cue awkward silence accompanied by sound of chirping cricket) i've been out of form (not to mention out of shape) for both said games. I think i've lost motivation to push and play harder. But have no fear my dear fans (cricket chirp), this happens at least once in 2-3 months. Soon i'll be bouncing up and down the court/field again, rearing to go.

With all the sports playing and the class attending and the work and the pub going (you guys told me to mingle), i find myself dead tired at the end of every day. My cure for fatigue is to down cups of coffee like a drunk kid downs shots on his birthday. It worked for a bit, then it turned me into a zombie on a sugar rush - awake and high, but nothing's really working up there. At least the holidays are here, though i've got two tests to study for and an assignment to hand in the week after the break. Plus brandon's coming over, and i've got another friend coming over from malaysia as well. Not to mention the comedy festival i've been wanting to go to, as well as the trip to Great Ocean Road. Talk about a packed schedule. So now i realise i can't keep going at the rate i've been if i want to survive the semester. Or even the week. As Lazlo Bane sings:

"no i know, i'm no superman"

It ain't easy

2008-02-01T11:30:00.000+08:00

I realise now how hard it is to keep a resolution. Previously i listed down my 2008 resolutions, and first on the list was how i'm gonna look at the bright side of things. Just as i made that resolution, things began to conspire against me. First, there's this filthy new housemate of mine. She's a 36 year old hospice nurse, so you would think that being in her profession she might be like neat and all. But no. NO. She leaves her plates with food crumbs on the table and goes to sleep. Without even brushing her teeth or bathing! Everytime i pass by her room there's this stench of cigarettes and vomit i have to run out to get fresh air.

Then there's this co-worker i dislike, who loves telling people what to do even though he knows jack 'bout stuff. I only tolerate him 'cause he sends me home everytime we work together. A guy's gotta get home, you know what i mean? Also, my life here's pretty sad. It's either work or staying in the room. My friend's are either back home or some place else. And the people i know here are people with actual jobs who only have the weekends off. When i have to work. Did i mention how sad my life is? Then there's the weight issue. There's always the weight issue. Let's just say it's only been increasing since i was like, 14.

Finally there's this news on a 21 year old girl who died in a bus crash. I've never met the girl before and i'm only faint acquaintances with the boyfriend, but to say it hasn't affected me in any way would be a lie. It just goes to show how anything can happen at any time and how effing unfair life can be sometimes. Most of the times. On one hand you have this bright young girl with her whole life ahead of her (and she seems nice) die from the crash and on the other hand you have the bus driver who has numerous speed summons to his name and yet allowed to sit behind the wheel, escaping with only a broken leg. If only life's like the movies, where the good guys can take justice to their own hands and get away with it. I'd volunteer for the lead good guy role.

But in the spirit of trying to keep up with the resolution, i'm still trying to look at the bright side of things. Work, for example, has been not too bad. Co-workers more senior than i am were initially not too friendly (i thought) to me, back when i was the new guy who knew doodly squat 'bout things. Now we're jentik-ing rubber bands at each other, trying to score points and i somehow have a girlfriend i don't even know about. They'll go, "Vjay, i saw your girlfriend come in today. When you gonna introduce her to us?". "Great," i say, "i'd like to meet her too! She sounds really nice."

Then there was this once i met this really really hot ang moh sitting outside the shop (the shop's got tables outside). Now, the old me wouldn't do or say anything but since i've worked over at Coffee Bean i've acquired this new found confidence i didn't know i had. So, summoning all the courage i have, i walk out the shop and say to the girl, "Excuse me, we're closing now. I need to grab the chair you're sitting on."

Yeah, i know.

Year in review: 2007

2008-01-08T08:53:00.000+08:00

It's that time of the year again, where new resoultions are made (and probably broken later on), new beginnings are all we ever hope for, a new slate is wiped clean. Where the canvas is white again, and we're all painters of our own future. I think people (myself included) don't realise enough how much our fate is always in our own hands, that we create our own circumstances, we make the decisions. I guess it's always easier to blame others for our failures, somehow relieving ourselves of guilt when deep down you know it's your own damn fault.

Anyways, back to the review. 2007 was a pretty good year for me i guess. The year was divided into 2 halves for me. The first half will be when i was still in Malaysia. I guess the highs would be me coming out of my shell more than before, rather than just staying at home all the time and alienating myself from the rest of the world. My 21st birthday is a highlight too, i guess. I come out of my shell alright! The lows would probaby be my results again, where i just made it once more. Also, the biggest regret of 2007 is probably hurting one of the nicest and sweetest girls i'd ever known. All i can say is that i was a big jerk and i apologise for that.

The second half of 2007 was in Melbourne, Australia. Studying overseas was one of my biggest dream since i was a kid, and here i am. So that's a big high. Though there was this bout of homesickness at one time, where i stupidly conjoured memories of the past just to get myself more miserable than i already was. But that passed quickly as i made lots of friends (though they're all Malaysians), played the games i loved, and learnt to have fun in a clean and sober manner. Here's the biggest discovery of '07: You don't have to get high to have fun! I know, i didn't believe it at first either. Also, i guess the most significant highlight of the year was my results. I got the best results i've ever gotten in my whole uni career. It wasn't anything to shout about, but it's a start. Other highlights of 2007: getting a very good job at Coffee Bean, clubbing for the first time in Australia, going to places i've never been before like the beach, Royal Melbourne Show, and a jazz club.

What's in store for 2008? I have no idea. Only time will tell. Though i did come up with my resolutions for the year. So here's
Vjay's 2008 Resolutions:
1. Always try to look on the bright side of things
2. Stop overthinking when i don't need to and start thinking when i'm supposed to
3. Lose weight!
4. Push myself more in everything i do; mainly in studies and sports

I think that's a pretty decent list. Though it's not all 'bout me. Here's to wishing family and friends the best of health and happiness. I think that's the 2 most important things you can have in life. Other stuff like love and wealth will come as long as you're healthy and happy. So here we go, to the journey of the unknown.

Let's make it a good trip.

'08 in Melbourne

2008-01-08T07:59:00.000+08:00

I'm only 8 days late, but Happy 2008! I've been busy la, what with all the work and all. But here's what i did for the new year's. I worked. Then rushed home and headed to the city via the train to watch the fireworks. Bad idea. The public transport on the eve was free for everyone, it was super jam packed in the train i could count the number of moles on the person right in front of me's face. 6, in case you were wondering. Anyways, there was this bunch of drunken teenage boys on the train, banging the walls of the train, cursing, yelling. Then through the reflection of the window i saw a couple of them showing off the knives they brought out. When did bringing knives out became a fashionable fad for teens? I must be growing old, 'cause i think that's stupid. I pity most the couple with a baby who were so close to the teens. So i stood there in the train throughtout the journey helpless, wanting to do something but couldn't. Maybe wouldn't. Story of my life.

Anyways, back to the "celebration". The city streets were so packed with people, they had to allocate roads for people to walk on. I found this amusing - Hungry Jack's(Burger King), had security guards in their store! But it was a very wise move, 'cause an obviously drunk guy beside me was pulling out his belt to presumably whip the HJ girl 'cause she took a wrong order. Luckily his friend stopped him or it would've been a very ugly scene. Anyways, me and my friends walked towards the river to watch the fireworks. It was a no-alcohol zone, thank goodness.

After the fireworks display, we all trooped off to a friend's place to just crash. Almost all of us had work the next day, so there were no parties, no drinks, no nothing. Just sleep. That's my new year's in a nutshell. Not the most exciting, but who says it needs to be exciting all the time.

Happy two-oh-oh-eight!

What an experience

2007-12-05T14:17:00.000+08:00

It was my first day of work. As i stood there, a bunch of girls were looking at me, giggling and hushing each other so they wouldn't be heard. Each took turns to look at me, and then quickly looked back at each other as though they weren't looking in the first place. Giggling, still. But i saw. I knew. I tried to keep calm, tried not to notice.

"Stay cool", i tell myself.

"Go talk to him", i overhear one of them say.

"No, you go", came the reply.

In the end, they all decided to walk past me and waved. I waved back. It was all i could do.

Now that would've been great, if only...

I wasn't wearing this!

Yeap, that's me. In tights! It wasn't what i applied for, but they needed to promote something at that time. So who else was lucky enough to don a frappucino costume over his head? You guessed it! Me. That's not even the best part yet. Apparently i was such a success they wanna do it twice a week now, every week till Christmas! Who knew, 5 months ago when i stepped on Australian soil i'd be doing something like this. But hey, at least i'm getting paid for it. Also, it's something i can tell my children next time, "Oh, Daddy was a mascot once".

In a way i'm pretty okay with doing this, on top of doing actual coffee making, 'cause i know this is something i would never do back home. I'm doing lots of things i wouldn't do back home, and i guess it'll be an enriching experience. I'm also NOT doing lots of things i'd do back home. I guess it's pretty hard not to change when you're in a different environment with different people and different culture. So i guess i owe someone an apology when i didn't understand how someone can change so much when in a different environment. But i will never make that apology mainly because i believe that while there're lots of things that can change, some things never do.

Humiliation beckons.

Job-hunt

2007-11-24T21:15:00.000+08:00

These are frustrating times for me. It's since been more than 2 weeks since i was done with my last paper, and i've yet to find a job. It's not like i haven't been looking. I have. Went to two shopping malls nearby, spent the whole day handing in resumes and have yet to receive a call back. What's more frustrating is the fact that 2 of my friends who applied at the same places as i did but did so later than me got hired! It's just been really frustrating. Granted i may have been a little choosy with the places i've applied at, but i wouldn't want to work at places i won't like to work at or have no interest/expertise/knowledge at. Would you? I mean, yeah, i'm pretty desperate for a job but i wouldn't just go anywhere for the sake of a job. So i've only applied at cafes, so i can use my coffeemaking knowledge to good use. Plus, i get to drink free coffee.

Yeah, so lately i've felt that things are conspiring against me. The not-gotten-a-job-yet is one. Then one day while walking to uni a bird starts attacking me. I had to dodge the bird several times for fear that its wings might cut my ear. So i had to use my bag as a shield till i got into the building. Then there's my laptop, which chooses to switch on occasionally, not unlike its owner. Luckily the internet connection's all better. For now. But it's not all doom and gloom. Been going for jogs every other day and also play some basketball in the mornings, just to build up some sweat. Also, on one of the days i went job hunting, they were promoting this new beer, so they set up stalls in different areas of the malls. You know, to give the public samples and tell them how cheap and good it is. So, being the cheap Malaysians that we were, my friends and i went to every stall to sample the beer. All in all we had bout 5 cups of FREE beer. A good haul, i'd say.

So the job hunt continues. One cafe's bound to be desperate enough to hire me. No i don't wanna do research work, i don't wanna do office work, i wanna be a coffee maker damnit. So now i'm waiting by the phone, hoping for an unidentified number to call me, hoping that it's one of the jobs i actually wanted (applied at some places i didn't want to work also-out of desperation), hoping it'll all have a happy ending. There was this advert posted on the uni website, some agency looking for a model for some fashion photographer. It pays a whopping 60 dollars an hour. But i'm a realist, i know my limits. I'll stick to coffee making for now.

Wish me luck

Tastes like home

2007-11-15T15:17:00.000+08:00

'Bout a week ago i received one of those notification cards from the post office. You know, the ones that they give out when no one's home when they're delivering packages. I knew what it was, 'cause my mom told me she was sending over a package. What was surprising was the fact that it came through, 'cause it was a can of murukus. When i collected them the can was all dented and the murukus' were all broken into tiny pieces. But that was all irrelevant, 'cause i got a can of murukus from back home. No matter how many times i go to church, or how my slang's like a Chinese Malaysian (apparently), or how most of my friends are Chinese, i'm still an Indian. I have the two most obvious physical traits an indian has: skin colour and beer belly. But anyways, my mom paid 'bout 45 ringgit for the thing to get sent over. 45 ringgit.

It wasn't just about enjoying how murukus taste good, it's the fact that it's from home. From the wok in the kitchen back home. Granted, i haven't been that homesick since i got here, but i do miss home. Family and friends, especially. The occasional use of the Vios and Myvi, my room, the basketballs in the evenings, the time wasting at the coffee shop, the clubbing trips, the whole deal. It's amazing to think that i've only been here for roughly 4 months when i feel like i've been here for waaay longer than that. I guess mixing with the Malaysians back here helped overcome any feelings of homesickness, but it also means that i haven't really mixed with the locals here. In fact, i can only name 3 Australians i know here. And one of em's my landlord.

Not that i'm not trying, just that i'm not trying all that hard. I'm not the type who'd go introduce myself and come up with topics to talk about and stuff. That just ain't me. But i am gonna stay over for the summer, and i am gonna find a summer job in the near future, so i'm bound to make more friends. I think these things can't be forced anyways. I can't just transform myself to this super-friendly guy and make friends with everyone i see. Tried that, didn't work. Anyways, that'll just mean i'm not being myself and who wants to befriend a fake right? I have my ways.

Aw, man. I have loads to say but i won't. Some things are just meant to be kept to yourself, you know. This always happens when you have too much free time and nothing to do. "This" refers to thinking. Just thinking. Of the past, present and future. I don't know bout others, but i'm the type who thinks 'bout whatever stupid things i've done in the past and grimaces at the thought. I don't know why i do it, i just do. I also think 'bout the past stupid funny things i've done and just laugh out loud, usually at public places where there're lots of people.

The holidays are just beginning and i'm glad i've learnt a valuable lesson early on: Beer and champagne don't mix well. Not for me anyways.

Let there be light

2007-10-27T07:17:00.001+08:00

Thought this was a funny picture. My study lamp fused out weeks before my exam period, and me being me, the replacement bulb was not purchased. So improvisation was needed and improvisation was duly carried out. In case you can't figure it out, that thing hanging on the study table is my webcam! I used (still am using) the light from the camera as my "study lamp" now. Genius, if i may say so myself. Just did.

My first paper was on last Thursday, a subject called electromechanics. Sounds so long and scary. It was, considering how little of class and tutes i attended throughout the semester. Never in my 3 years in uni have i studied this hard (or think that i've studied this hard). It came to a point where i was consuming caffein (be it coffee or tea, or cham) 2-3 times a day. Was so worried that i might feel sleepy, which equates to me feeling lazy, and subsequently not studying. In the end my sleep was compromised. Couldn't sleep for 3 hours straight. One night i was waking up every 45 minutes, and in between each interval i was having strange dreams. I know there's a saying for this, something 'bout knowing the consequence, yet doing it. Something like that. Anyways, on the night before the paper itself i couldn't get any sleep no matter how hard i tried. I tried everything - counting sheep, putting a book on my chest while lying down (works every other time), listening to music... None of them worked. Then after a while i had to make sure that i don't fall asleep, or i might oversleep. So now with the change of goal i had to change my methods - singing karaoke, talking to whomever's awake on msn, eating cookies...

Come to think of it i was pretty lucky that i didn't sleep. Since i couldn't do anything else, i thought i'd just read some more notes, see what i'd miss. And good thing i did too, 'cause turned out that one of the parts i missed earlier did come out for the paper. The Big One up there works in mysterious ways, huh? But i was pretty panicked before the paper, 'cause i could feel myself weakening. Was worried that the brain might collapse during the paper. Not literally, of course. Think i did ok for the paper, don't wanna be overconfident. But there's this discussion board on the monash uni site for every subject, and the people there were saying how easy the paper was, no challenge etc.. Cocky SOB's. Don't they know a little humility doesn't hurt? After the paper i just collapsed in the bed, and i managed to sleep for an amazing FOUR hours! That coming after 27 hours of staying awake. Now that that's done, gotta pick myself up for the next paper, which is pretty hard to do. 'Cause now all i do is sleep!

One of my pet peeves is people who critique my choice of songs. I mean, i like la what songs i listen to. What's wrong with liking Brian McKnight and Snow Patrol? Or Timbaland and Beatles? Or Fatboy Slim and Maxwell? You get the gist. I just like variance, that's all. It doesn't mean anything that i like different songs, not everyone has the same taste. I don't say anything when you listen to your Chinese/Jap/Korean/hard rock/hardcore rap or whatever else i don't listen to, so why do i have to take shit from you? Not directing at anyone in particular, by the way. Anyways, for those who bother visiting this page, you should go download Snow Patrol's version of Beyonce's Crazy in Love and The Fray's take on Shakira's Hips Don't Lie. Hilarious! The song getting the most play in my Winamp though, is The Fray's Unsaid:

Not that you're the one

Not to say I'm right

Not to say today

And not to say a thing tonight

Adios amigos!

Good mornings

2007-10-21T12:17:00.000+08:00

Don't you just love those mornings, when everything's just fine and dandy? Though they're no indication of the day that lies ahead, everything just feels pretty darn good on these days. For me they come as often as a 3 point attempt from me (very rare), so when i do get them, it just puts me in the mood. You know those mornings; decent night's sleep, a good dream, having my weekly Sunday brunch of bacon, eggs, sausages and toast and a cup of tea with honey added to the mix. Reading footie news while eating said brunch, finding out that Man Utd won big, listening to Sugar Ray songs on the laptop. I'm a huge Sugar Ray fan by the way. I just find their songs so fun-sounding. If only life's like a Sugar Ray album, i'd be a very happy person.

Anyways, my first paper is in 5 days and to say i'm under prepared is definitely an understatement. For all my hopes of getting a good result this time around, i'm no fool in thinking that anything less than hard work will pull me through. I'm tired of disappointments and regrets, not only academic-wise, but life in general. I've learned to appreciate life more, the people around you, the situations you're in, the spanner in the works life sometimes throws at you. I'm trying to take it all in stride now, and listen to Sugar Ray more often. Though i'll always have that lil bit of cynicism and skepticism in me. You can't have everything.

Had a really random thought the other day. I was wondering who among us would be the first to get hitched. It entered my mind mainly because my 24 year old friend was attending his friend's wedding, who is of the same age. And i thought, "that's not very far off, only 3 years away.". Have a few people in mind, but let's just say i'll reserve my opinions to myself for now. Here's a hint: my name's not on the shortlist... yet. But you never know, so i'm against making any predictions publicly now for i might have to eat humble pie. Had it a few times already, don't taste all that good.

And to top off the morning, i'm sipping my apple mango banana juice. No preservatives. Alright, time to hit the books. Papers actually. Lecture notes. Don't have a book for this one. But you know what i mean.

Hands of time

2007-10-04T17:02:00.000+08:00

Just discovered this song from Groove Armada called Hands of Time. It was in my player the whole time, but i didn't download most of the songs in my laptop, which by the way, is as mad as before, as the 3 minute disconnection continues. Don't really understand the song, can't find the lyrics, but it sounds like a nice song. In fact, i think i'll christen it Vjay's current favourite-est song ever. Which, if you know me, will be my favourite-est for a lil while more before i get bored of it. That's the problem with me and songs. When i like 'em, i'll play them repeatedly till it gets old and i'll move on with the next song.

This post is to just blurt out all the thoughts propping up in my head for a while now, just to put the words out. If you know what i mean. Most of my recent posts have been all pictures of where i've been and what i've done, which is fine and dandy, but if i want to just upload pictures i can do it on friendster or facebook. I'm not really into facebook by the way. It's just that all the applications and whatever stuff they put up there (games, vampire/zombie/werewolf etc) don't really appeal to me that much. Friendster's plain, simple and nice and i treat it as a page i use to see what my friends have been up to lately with all the pictures posted. Why complicate things? Then again, i've never been too keen on change anyways.

Been ill for the best part of a week now, and no sign of getting better anytime soon. Everyday i've got to summon all the energy i have just to get out of bed and off to uni. Wait, prolly just due to laziness. But in my defence it's been harder after i got sick. It's nothing serious though, a lil sore throat here and a lil cold there and occasionally the fever. But that's the annoying thing. Either fall real sick and totally recover in a few days or just recover now, damn it. I feel like a professional footballer/basketballer struggling to shake off a niggling injury he's been carrying for a while now yet still playing on manfully though he hasn't been performing to his best. A man can dream, can't he.

Been blog-hopping a lot lately, mainly the blogs of people i know, checking out what's been going on. It's kinda interesting, this blog-hopping thing, looking at how different people approach writing on their blogs. The style, the grammar and spelling mistakes(yeah, i look for them. I'm weird that way), the content. It's just pretty interesting reading some of 'em. There's one where the person writes mainly 'bout religion, and how she's really into hers(religion, not blog). There's another one where the person writes 'bout a person they're so infatuated with and how the said person's been making the blogger's life miserable by not noticing him/her. Then there's one where it's all pictures, showing off the places they've been, rich buggers.

Heard 'bout something interesting that happened back home (it's Malaysia by the way) a couple of weeks back. Hmm.. don't know how to approach this. It's regarding someone i used to know. Basically there was this incident in the Monash ball regarding a guy and a girl, and now the girl's suing the guy. The details are vague, 'cause i only heard 'bout it from a third party who's sorta friends with the "defendant"(haha) so i can't comment much 'bout it. All i'll say is:
1) The guy's an idiot and i would've punched him in the face if i was called/asked to.
2) Whatever happened to times when just whacking the guy for doing something stupid will do? Now it's all gotta be legal and stuff.

The time for pre-examinations stress are just round the corner. The semester-ly rituals are set to begin, from regretting that one didn't study/concentrate/work harder from the start to brokering deals with the Big One up there "if i do well this sem i'll study from the beginning next sem". Ahh, the joys of being a university student. But this semester i really want it. I want that feeling. The feeling of doing unexpectedly well from all the hard work i've done (i'll do) revising. I don't want to just survive like i always do. Now the actual rolling up of sleeves and working for it is another matter all together. Let's just hope i'll get that elusive feeling this time.

Everyone who knows me, even those who barely do, know that i've been dealing with heart break for a long time now. In truth, i'm still dealing with it as it affects me deeply till today. But hey, that's first love right? As Sheryl Crow sings, 'the first cut is the deepest...'. But that's not the point. The point is, i've been talking to friends and actually giving them a shoulder to cry on instead of me needing theirs. It's a great feeling personally, 'cause it's something i think i'm good at and i enjoy doing. I love helping friends out with their problems, talking to them, listening and eventually making them feel better/finding a solution. That was my forte previously and i'm glad it's coming back. I mean, i'm not glad that my friends have got problems, i'm glad that they turn to me to help them out. So, if ever you need someone to talk to, i've got pretty broad shoulders if i can say so myself.

I find this purging of thoughts exercise pretty refreshing. That lil bit of tension's gone. Not that i'm gonna be too worried if anyone'd be patient enough to read the whole damn post, but i feel good putting everything in writing rather than just thinking 'bout it. That's how stress builds and eventually, mental breakdown. The song's (read: title) a good one to put in after a long day in uni. So i'll end with this bit from Hands of Time..

Seems to me, can't turn back the hands of time

Seems to me, yesterday was left behind

Big Day Out

2007-09-23T14:23:00.000+08:00

Holiday's are here! Finally, after 10 long weeks of "study", we get a break. So since i'm pretty free, thought i'd post some pictures of what i've done in the past 3 months or so here.

There was this trip, called the Big Day Out, where we were brought around Melbourne city to check out the sights and get to know the place better. This was during our first week of orientation, pretty much 2 months back. What? I just got the pictures from my friend la. Anyways, yeah.. The whole trip was super boring. First we had this cruise along Yarra river, where the guide was talking to us 'bout the containers and the history of Port Melbourne! Who the hell cares how they shipped containers in the past, or if the port was once the shipping hub of the world? Certainly not me, and from what i could see, not the people around me either.

We then went to the Queen Victoria Market for some lunch. I was there only a few days before the trip, so it wasn't anything special to me. Next we went to the museum, which was slightly better than the cruise. Only so slightly though. Walked around a lil bit to pass time, took some pics, got bored by the first half hour. By the time i finished touring the whole museum, saw a few friends sleeping on the couch there. That's how exciting the day was.

Finally we had the bush dance back in Monash Caulfield campus(they have 6 Monash campuses here. Mine's in a place called Clayton), which was probably the best stop of the whole trip. Was initially skeptical 'bout it, 'cause i don't really dance. Not when i'm sober anyways. So i took the plunge and as it turns out, it was pretty fun. Got to dance with so many different people, mainly girls. Highlight of the day was when a dance partner(female) was grabbing my bum throughout the whole time we were dancing together! Well, maybe 'cause she was considerably shorter than me. Flattering as it was, i felt violated.

Before the cruise

In Queen Vic Mart

In the museum

'The Clubber'

Oranges and Lemons

Raspberries of red

Turn my true lover

Into a peach in bed !!!

From a ten year old!!

At the bush dance place

Got this pic from my dance partner's blog. Not the butt grabber, another one

To answer your question; no, we didn't dance in the bush and i don't know why it's called 'bush dance'.

Spring's to mind

2007-09-09T14:14:00.000+08:00

Spring's here! Or so i thought. Spring's supposedly the best time of the year, where you can walk around in one layer, where the weather's just nice, where you don't have to freeze your ass off. Stumbled upon the first sign of spring after class one day, when, dressed in a t-shirt and a jacket, the walk home was so uncomfortably hot. And the locals here were dressed like they were in Malaysia, it was that hot. So on the way home that day, i made a mental note- no more jacket's for me. Here's what happened from the next day on:

DAY 1:

First day walking out wearing a single layer of shirt. Weather was alright, the sun was out. Felt a lil chilly, but thought it was normal. It was the first time without a jacket anyways. I'll get used to it.

DAY 2:

Sun was nowhere to be seen, it felt colder than the day before. Still, it was alright. Nothing to be alarmed about. Should feel warmer again after walking. That night, defrosted in the shower longer than usual. Tomorrow'll be warmer.

DAY 3:

Walked out of the house feeling alright. 100 metres into the walk to uni, couldn't feel my hands. It was friggin' cold! Too late to go back home to grab a jacket, was already 10 minutes late for class. Was freezing the hold day. Went home and sat in front of the portable heater for an hour.

Now i won't be caught dead without my jacket. I'll sweat like a pig for two consecutive days before i even think 'bout removing the jacket again. The weather here's super unpredictable. One day it's all sunny and then it gets all windy and cold.

Work's been piling up by the minute. As i've oft complained to people patient enough to have an msn conversation with me (crappy connection), there's something to hand in every week. And i haven't had my mid-semester break yet. The break's gonna be on 2 weeks before the start of the finals. How do they expect us to enjoy ourselves. It's already bad enough that the lecturers dump most of the assignments during the break period, now we can't even enjoy the week long break 'cause exams are so near. Joy.

In spite of all the work, i've managed to squeeze sports into my life here. Joined a futsal league with fellow classmates a while back, and we've managed to stay unbeaten so far. We're not very good, but we're really spirited and we've all got each others back. I always love to be in a team where it's all 'bout teamwork and commitment. Anyways, last Friday was probably the toughest game we've had so far, and i've got the bruises to show for it. Fell so many times during the game i lost count. The pick of the lot was probably the time when i fell shoulder first into the door after making a tackle. Yet, in spite of the bruised palm, shoulder, heel, knee and other parts i haven't identified yet, i always smile looking back at the game as we defeated the highly fancied team.

That same night, went(limped) to this play from the my friend's christian fellowship group, 'cause he was dancing. It was a pretty funny play, with messages intwined with the comedy. Anyways, it was an enjoyable night and actually managed to grab a couple of photos. Finally put the camera to use:

Tiffany and Joseph

Didn't know everyone had to smile

Mech eng classmates

Independance Day

2007-08-31T21:50:00.000+08:00

So Malaysia turns 50 today. Big hurrah. I bet there were great events and parades held to commemorate the occasion. How do Malaysians acknowledge our country's independence over here?

"Eh, today Merdeka la."
"Oh, izzit? Yeah hor."

And that's it. I knew independence day was around the corner 'cause people started posting "selamat merdeka!" messages on their msn's. It's pretty sad when you think about it. Here we have a country which prides itself on a multi-racial country with peace and harmony and whatnot, yet how many people actually cared that our country celebrated it's 50th year of independence on this day? Sad to say not many.

Sadder to admit i'm one of many of those who don't really care. I'm sorry but i'm just being honest. I remember as a young boy i'd wake up early every 31st of August just to watch the national day parade, and trying to identify as many ministers as i could at that time. Yeah, weird i know. But as time goes by i find myself looking forward to this day for an entirely different reason-public holiday. I can wake up late, play computer games, watch tv all day. That was what independence day meant to me.

But that doesn't mean i don't love my country or anything. I just don't show it as much as other people. And i'm glad too. I hate it when people overdo things and then question people who don't show as much patriotism as they do. Like putting up those lil' flags on their cars, or on their home windows. How retarded do you have to be to conclude that not putting the flag up on national day equates to being unpatriotic? Why do i need these gimmicks to show how proud i am to be Malaysian? It's the same thing when people ask me 'bout football.

"Hey Vjay, why haven't your gotten the new ManU jersey yet? Aren't you their greatest fan?"

I didn't know you had to collect all the jerseys, paint your face, know every statistic of every player, buy the boots this so-and-so player's wearing, or be in the entire gear when you're watching a game to qualify to be a fan. Idiots.

I have my ways to show my love for country/football club. For instance, every time i turn the back pages of the newspaper (sports section), i'm always hoping that a Malaysian might win something or at least gave a good account of themselves. More often than not i'm disappointed, yet everyday i turn to that back page with renewed hope, thinking, "Maybe today". So that's my term of "being patriotic". It's continuously giving support even though you may have felt let down more than a few times. It's cringing whenever we do bad and clenching your fist and saying "Come on" (that's what i normally do) whenever we do good. It's saying "Oh, i'm from Malaysia" whenever someone asks where you're from. We don't need flags or t-shirts or a great big banner, we do it in our own way, on our terms.

Random notes

Independence means a lot of things to different people. One of the most ridiculous i've heard/read: 'Independence- painful but empowering'. What a load of bull.
I hate it when people state 'blogging' under occupations in their friendster/facebook/whatever else they have. Even if they pay you, c'mon la, an occupation? Get a life.

Football tragedies

2007-08-29T20:35:00.001+08:00

Assignments are all piling up, and i'm starting to feel the stress. Though i don't look stressed, i don't act stressed, i don't do anything(i.e. work) to relieve the stress, i just think 'bout all the work pending and get stressed. This one subject is particularly stressful, 'cause i have a report due in 2 weeks time and i'm the only person who hasn't gotten a group yet. Why?

The situation: Everyone's done the experiment, some quicker than most. Almost the whole class has left. So me, not knowing anyone, approaches a group of hongkees:

Me: Hey guys, do you think i can join your group for the lab report?

Hongkee(HK) 1: Err.. We want to do it among ourselves

There were three of them, and the lecturer said that each group must have 4 members in a group.

Me: But the lecturer said he wants 4 in a group right?

HK's 1, 2 and 3 form a huddle, discussing how to tell the indian guy in front of them to bugger off. HK 1 then decides to go ask the lecturer if they can form a group of 3. Lecturer says no, 4 is 4. Right then a malay guy asks if he could join their group, right in front of the lecturer. HK 1 had no choice but to say yes. Cue indian guy walking away pissed off-ly.

Now it's a race against time to find a group who needs another member. Last resort will probably be me doing the report by myself, which seems more appealing by the day.

With nothing much to do at home(work not included), i've been reading loads of football news just to pass time. Though any interesting news i've read lately has been overshadowed by tragedies in the footballing world:

Tragedy 1
11 year old Everton fan Rhys Jones was playing football with his friends outside a pub in Liverpool. Then a teenager on a bicycle cycles by and cold-bloodedly shoots the boy dead. The killer hasn't been identified as yet.

Tragedy 2
22 year old Antonio Puerta, a Spain international playing for Sevilla, collapsed on the pitch in a match a few days back. He had 2 cardiac arrests in the space of minutes, and died after a couple of days in critical condition. The clincher? His girlfriend is due to give birth to a son in two months time.

Tragedy 3
A lesser known player plying his trade in the Championship in English football, Clive Clarke collapsed in the dressing room at half time in a match just 2 days back. He's still alive, for now..

I know it's all pretty morbid, but it's scary thinking what might happen in a split second. One moment you're playing the game you love, having fun with your friends, resting after a tough half, the next you're just gone. As is the case with the footballers, they've got all the training, the professional medical staff, the nutritionist and whatnot, and yet they could still succumb to these kinds of "injuries". What then, about us amateurs who play just for the love of the game? Now i'm not saying that i'm the fittest, fastest, or most talented, but i'd like to think that i give it my all everytime i play any sport. So what do i do now? Slow down and get frustrated knowing i can do better? Or still push myself and pray to God that nothing happens?

Ole's retirement is nothing compared to what's happened recently. He was a good player, but i always thought he was past his prime since the first injury. That's bold coming from a life-long United fan.

Here and now

2007-08-18T10:27:00.000+08:00

Life here hasn't been what i expected it to be. Maybe it's 'cause i haven't really put in much effort into getting to know new people, trying new things. Maybe it's just 'cause i've had too high expectations on how life here is gonna be. All the while hoping that the change in environment will do me some good, not realising that i'm the one who's gotta change. Change is easier said than done, me thinks. 'Cause you're so comfortable with the way you've been living/doing things, it's hard to get out of that rut. All you can do is keep on trying till you break the habit.

In a way it's not that bad that my expectations aren't met-so far. 'Cause the things i was expecting to do, well, let's just say they aren't exemplary. The people i hang out with aren't the type who'd go pubbing or clubbing, so i don't go. I'm not the type who'd feel comfortable clubbing with a bunch of strangers, would rather chill with friends in a coffeeshop than do that. Been going to church pretty often with said friends, if only to get out of the house. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with church or the people who go there, it's just that it's not me. Nonetheless, i do enjoy hanging out with them, they do pretty fun stuff from time to time. Like, they're going for some laser thing this weekend, which is something like paintball, only they use laser guns. Sounds pretty cool.

The down point of living in a house with cheap-er rent is that i don't get cable. Which means that i don't get to watch football! It's called soccer here, but it's still football to me. Missing my beloved United's games, though we've been quite poor really. No matter, we'll bounce back. In style. Now whenever i wanna watch a game, i've got to walk roughly 15 minutes in the cold to the uni hostel. Hey, it's for the love of the game. And United, of course. Man United for the uninitiated.

Having lots of time to yourself means you've got lots of time to think. I think up of stuff all the time. Like really random and weird stuff. Something like, "what if i've got a natural talent for the Aussie Footy game but i just don't know it yet? Then i can go pro and make lots of money and i don't have to study nomore". Like i said, random and weird. They're mostly thought up when i've got studying or coursework to do. If ever there's a job where they pay you to daydream, i'd be first on their list.

Anyways, i've also been thinking alot about myself. Looking at old pictures of self, i feel like i'm rougher around the edges. Which is pretty ironic considering that i'm getting rounder. Anyways. Looking back, i feel like the 'old me' was so naive and gullible about how the world works. I was this really happy-go-lucky guy, not letting the obstacles in front of me upset me, not having a worry in the world, telling everyone to chill, usually being the shoulder for people to cry on, giving advice, and whatever else happy people do. I kinda envy him(me). It's hard, isn't it? Balancing everything. Studies, sports, social life, love life, hobbies, interests, etc.. And yet still be happy. I'm not saying i'm really unhappy now to the point of depression or anything, it's just that i was so different back then. It's just intriguing, that's all.

I found an interesting quote when i was watching Entourage some time ago. One of the guys said this: "Control's a funny thing. You don't realise how little you have of it until you have none of it at all". I thought it was pretty true, and it applies to 'most anything. Two things that come to mind are friendships and relationships. One moment you're great buddies/lovers, thinking that you'll be best friends/together forever, then the next it's all over. Funny how "forever" is so much shorter nowadays.

Went to Mount Dandenong 'bout a month back, with two of housemates and one of their boyfriend to celebrate housemate's birthday. So before i end, here are some pics:

Housemates Tammy and birthday girl Fern

Birthday girl and boyfriend Chris

Chris and i

We had pie in this place called Pie in the Sky

Tried feeding the birds with bread but no go. They must have known that the bread's expired

So we went back to doing what we know best-eating. This was at Miss Marple's

Back to work

Connection down

2007-08-14T09:13:00.000+08:00

You never really realise how much you need the internet till you don't have it, as i've found out recently. For some reason i can't connect to the internet back home, so i'm resorting to coming to uni on the weekends to get my assignments done and to get my dose of news and updates and such. So till i somehow figure out how to get my connection back, the blog'll be pretty redundant.

Nothing much to talk 'bout anyways, been having assignments to hand in every week, which is something very new to me. So am struggling with it, what with being a serial procrastinator and all. Love for futsal has been rekindled over here, playing for 3 hours straight the other day. There have been trips and parties, but i'll leave that to another time. Gotta go read my news now. So, till i get my connection again...

Food food food

2007-07-22T09:35:00.000+08:00

It's hard to believe that it's been 3 weeks since i left home. It feels like i've been here forever. I'm getting used to the place now- the house, the uni, the people, the weather. Funny how back home i was really looking forward to coming here 'cause of the weather, where it's cold and nice. Well, i thought it was. Still in disbelief everytime i see people walking around in single layer of clothings, while i'm freezing even in three. It takes me 'bout 30 minutes to get out of the shower, 'cause i'm reluctant to step out of the hot shower. Imagine having three female housemates complaining 'bout how slow i am. Yeap. The shame.

Classes just started on Monday, and i've reached a conclusion; they're all boring, no matter which country you're in. And it's only the first week! Outside classes, i have absolutely nothing to do. All i do is sit in my room and read the news or anything else i find interesting on the net. And by interesting i mean other blogs or football news. Just to make things clear. Other than that, i've been watching the same ol' movies in the external just to pass time. Also been playing lots of sports, mainly basketball and futsal. Which is good i guess, considering the amount of food i've been consuming.

Speaking 'bout food, well, i've had loads of 'em. The bunch of us (fellow Malaysian students) are always on the lookout for free food. Once, we heard they were serving some free food in uni so we went to check it out. Turned out it was for welfare! You know, for those who can't afford to buy their own food. So we (at least i was) shamelessly lined up for it. Free what. The food was crappy anyways, like eating a plate of nothingness. I learned the best food are the ones you cook your own:

My modified popcorn chicken with garlic bread, cheese omelette, cheese and salad

My first ever rice meal- with bak choy, lemon chicken and some pork with oyster sauce thingy

My brunch- sausages, toast, cheese 'n' ham omelette, huge bowl of salad and coffee with a dash of choc syrup

And who can resist Krispy Kremes!

Now you see why i need the exercise

The reluctant camwhore

2007-07-11T09:49:00.000+08:00

So it's been a week and a half since i touched down in this cold cold place i'll call home for a year. Lots have happened in the space of 11 days, which equals to lots of money spent. I've been trying my best-est to socialise, mix around with new people, smiling at strangers. Things i normally wouldn't do back home. But i'm determined not to be those people who study overseas and just stay at in their rooms for the entire duration. Nope, not me.

Went to IKEA in the city with my housemate to get my mattress, which cost me a whopping 69 bucks! For a 10cm thick foam mattress. And the best part is, i had to lug it with me around the city. Even had to chase the tram while carrying the damn thing. Nearly got knocked down by a tram. Then, mattress still in hand(s), we headed off to Queen Vic Market to meet another housemate who rented a car with her boyfriend visiting from Malaysia. While waiting for them, we went jalan-jalan round the market. Made my first ever vege purchase over there, the bak choy. It still sits in the fridge, untouched. Also had spanish doughnuts in the market, which are supposedly waay better than the american ones. And yes, they were!Later that night, met the other housemate for a tour round Crown Casino and Greco's. Mars bar cheese cake. Need i say more?

Also had steamboat at some China Chinese place in a neighbouring suburb. The same night, had gelati at Lygon Street. Where in Malaysia can you get Bailey's ice cream? To top it all off, had coffee at Brunetti's, another famous Italian place. If that food fest wasn't enough, had a big serving of Italian pizza the next day and Chinese dim sum the following day. If this keeps going on, soon i'll be broke and fat.

My housemates made me pose for pictures. "Your first time in Australia what.." The result: "You don't even know half the story, babes" + "Must i?":

Me and bulky matress waiting for a tram

Me looking at the fire thingamajig by the Yarra River

Half of what we ate at the steamboat place

Me and my two housemates in front of the library

Today's me mom's birthday, and i'm so far away. Wish i could just go back for a day just to celebrate with the family. In fact, that's what i dreamt about last night. Oh wells. Missing friends and family, for sure.

Got an email a few days back, which surprised me to say the least. It just reminded me of how different i was, how different circumstances were, how different we were. As that person kept reminding me last time(which i foolishly ignored), people change. And the only thing we can't change is the past. Can we really forgive and forget? Can we really not be affected by what's happened in the past, and not repeat the same mistakes we made? Should we try not to make those mistakes? What makes us think that we won't make more mistakes whilst trying not to?

Questions only i can answer

Ocean's away

2007-07-05T18:10:00.000+08:00

So here i am. In Monash. Clayton. Melbourne. Australia. It's been a long hard road but i'm here. And enjoying it. Sort of. The hardest part was probably saying goodbye to family and friends back home. I was half-expecting myself to burst into tears, waving teary goodbyes but surprisingly i didn't. Maybe i was more excited than i thought.

I've always been a window-person. So when i found out i had a window seat, i was naturally overjoyed to get a view. Only they didn't tell me it was a view of the wing. I probably have one of the weakest bladder you'll ever know, so i'll normally have to pee twice after drinking a bottle of water. But, as luck would have it, i had to sit beside a sleepallthetime guy. You know, those people who could sleep anywhere anytime. Plus this guy was probably in his 60-s. So, being the thoughtful person that i am, i didn't want to disturb the poor fella by going to pee. So i tahan-ed till i got there. Funny thing is, he always wakes up on time for meals or when drinks/snacks are served.

Met fellow Malaysian students at the airport while taking the uni shuttle to my new place. They seem like nice people, but for the life of me i couldn't remember their names. Maybe it's 'cause i didn't get to sleep a wink in the plane. Or maybe i'm just really bad with names. Anyways, i made a quick turn-glance(acting like you're turning to look at something else, but you're actually glancing at another thing) at their name tags during orientation, so i now know ONE person's name. Hah!

Housemates are nice people. Loud, funny and clean. Perfect. As i naturally do, i'd keep real quiet and shy during the initial stages, but eventually i'll start opening up and talking nonsense as well. The room's pretty empty, so i gotta go furniture hunting. Add that with the cooking and cleaning and budgeting, it's now beginning to hit me that i got it pretty good back home. Talk about being thrust into independent living! But i'm kinda enjoying it, i think. Well, it hasn't even been a week so we'll see.

Got so many things to say, done so many things, but it all might just seem trivial to some. It's just that it's my first time leaving the nest, so every "little" thing might seem like a big one. Will try to update as much as possible, o' yee faithful readers of 5. Or less.

My new phone, the Motorola W375. It may not be the best or the fanciest, but it's my first official handphone. And it flips

Here i go

2007-06-30T13:31:00.000+08:00

It's time. Who would've thought, after roughly 20 years of plotting i finally get to live on my own, to be free and independent. Albeit for only a year. Studying overseas has been a dream of mine since i was a kid, so here i am. Excited. Scared. Thrilled. Worried. Happy. Sad. Well, no turning back now. I'm trying my best to go there with an open mind.

Managed to piss a few people off before i go though. Friends and family. It seems i have a penchant for disappointing people. Irony is, i disappoint them when all i wanna do is keep everyone happy. That's the problem with me sometimes. Constantly juggling everyone's feelings. I do a pretty good job of it, i think. But when i do drop a pin/ball/plate, i drop everything. If you know what i mean. Nothing i can do 'bout it now, except to apologise again. In my defense, all i can say is that i'm human. I make mistakes but (i think) i own up to my mistakes and try to make up for it.

Another reason why i'm so keen on leaving is that i get to start anew. Try something new, something different. Get away from all the bad memories back here in Malaysia. Though the ironic thing is that the source of the greatest of bad memories is over there! Haha. But i will survive. I might struggle at first, but i'll adapt. I think that's probably one of the few things i can actually praise myself on: the ability to adapt. That, and broad shoulders. I know it might sound like i'm running away from my troubles; "If you run now you'll always be running", but i feel this is the perfect opportunity for me to find out the "what ifs". Who knows, i might even find love. Haha.

Anyhoo, the main reason for my year in Australia is to study. I'm hoping the change in environment might help me in my studies, help me to concentrate and stuff. Though i've also thought of what to do, holiday-wise. Don't wanna mention them first, for fear that they might not work out. Studies, sports, entertainment, work, and maybe even love. Again with the juggling. Wish me luck!

Here i go

Pissed off

2007-06-20T00:28:00.000+08:00

I'm pissed as hell right now. Wallet got stolen while i was playing futsal. Out of so many bags there, the mofo stole only my bag. See, the guy has to know that i'm still having my exams, so he thought, "Let's fuck with this guy, just for fun." There can't be any other explanation. Funny thing is, i remember reading the warning sign, telling people to take care of their belongings. I remember thinking, "What are the odds?". As if i don't have enough on my plate already. Exams, paperwork for aussie, packing, and now this. Have to go make a bloody police report, go apply for a new I.C., go to uni to inform them 'bout my predicament, make a new driver's licence, get a new wallet. I loved that wallet, if only for the memories wally(just made that up) and i had. If i see that guy i'd just punch his face without a flinch. Repeatedly.

I need a drink

Melaka '07

2007-06-02T12:47:00.000+08:00

Two posts in one day! I'm on a roll. Or as i like to put it, finding excuses not to study. Anyways.

This one's on the recent trip to Melaka to celebrate the pilot's birthday. The trip was pretty eventful from start to finish. First, our initial plan of getting there early was predictably unachievable. Erwin couldn't get the car till late evening, so we only left then. The inevitable happened. Erwin knocked the car in front of us. Luckily, he managed to stop in time to only kiss the kancil. Disaster avoided. Had satay celup, so one item on "food i wanna eat before i go" list crossed.

Then we went to andrew's villa, which was pretty big, with 4 rooms and a pool. We celebrated the pilot's birthday the only way we know how-with drinks. Played card games, had a hilarious time, just hanging out with friends.

I suffered the following day, lasting only 5 minutes of my bball game before i started pancit-ing. This is what you get when you drink a lil too much and sleep too lil. No regrets though. Definitely one of those moments i'll look back fondly.

Same shirt buddies

The card game we were playing. Forgot what it was called

Smart ass king han slipped and fell near the sink

Tried to see who could whole their breath the longest. I won

See who could swim as many laps underwater. Won again

Camwhore couple of the year

Finally, can talk 'bout the present!

All these things that I've done

2007-06-02T12:44:00.001+08:00

I'm desperately trying to update on what i've done so i can actually talk about the present. All i've done so far is talk 'bout stuff that's happened quite some time ago. It's mainly 'cause i've got my laptop back from the shop, so i thought i'd better dump all the pictures first before the bugger (laptop, not me) tanks again. So here's all the things i've done:

Things i've done Part I

Attend amanda's birthday party. It was at this western food serving place called Windmill, in subang. Two smart asses, me and the pilot, thought we could play some basketball before the party. Turned out we were 2 hours late. Plus, i endured another I-can't-park-for-nuts moments. The 'good' food were already gone by the time we got there, good being the lamb chops and the calamaris. We had a nice time, but it fun part was towards the latter part of the party. One of us (wasn't me) had the bright idea of doing the inhale-helium-and-talk-funny thing, which was funny because i had that very same idea a few days back while talking to amanda and neither of us suggested it. Anyways, all of us took a turn at it and it was hilarious to say the least. Apparently my helium filled voice was the funniest so i commanded the loudest laughs.

Don't have a pic of the bday girl though, camera ko-ed just as we were about to take a picture.

Things i've done Part II

Went to my engineering mate, Jason Kok's bday party at Maroon. Since Bin took me to the place just weeks before, i thought i'd offer to drive, thinking that i know the way. True to form, i got lost. TWICE. But we got there safe and sound, early even. Food was ok. Had fries strangely, in the midst of all the indian food. I think the owner of the place regretted hosting the party, as it was noisy as 'ell. We were just laughing at nothing. Anyone says anything, we laugh. Fun it was. This either shatters the impression people have on fun-less engineers, of further enhances the notion that all engineers are weird weird people.

Things i've done part III

Went clubbing with Ariel! I have to admit, i suck at organising stuff. I just get too anxious, wanting to confirm everything before i can sit back and enjoy myself. I can't be the let's-do-something-at-the-spur-of-the-moment kinda guy. Nope, not me. No more organising for me. Going on a Saturday night was never the brightest thing to do. But there wasn't much choice, it was the only day i was free. So all we did was just have a few drinks and just chilled. Lost all the pictures taken that night, it went with the laptop. Managed to salvage one though, poor quality and all.

So that's basically what i've done while i was gone.. Gone as in too lazy to update la..

21 and I still can't park

2007-05-20T15:04:00.000+08:00

Ok ok, i know it's been more than a month since my 21st, but with all the work (lies) and studying i've done (damn lies) there just hasn't been time to update. So now here i am, blogging 'bout something that's happened in April.

So some big hoo-hah happened on the 13th of April 2007. It was the day yours truly turned 21, though just barely. But what does turning 21 mean? The so called "legal age"? Now that i'm officially an adult how is it different from when i was 20? Thing is, i'm not ready to grow up. I'm not ready to handle bills and taxes, not ready to be entirely civil 'bout stuff, not ready to discard all the things i associate with fun just because they may look "childish" to the joe on the street. No siree, not me. I've just begun to be a teen again recently, after many years of trying to be all civilised and responsible. So where does that put me? Am i gonna be the old fart who doesn't want to let go of the fact that my time's passed? Unlikely. Bottom point is i'm ONLY 21 and i've got a few good years of childishness left in me. But for all my 21 years of wisdom, i still can't park. Nor drive very well. So driving isn't exactly my forte. Sue me.

On another note, i had a small pre-birthday gathering on the 12th. Just a small group of friends meeting at some place to have a few drinks and laughs. So i'm a bad liar. But i did have a good time, apparently. Judge for yourself:

The 4 F.A.G.'s

Chee Bin and Sue Ann

Me engineering classmates

Stephanie, bro's friend Hadi, bro

The pilot and i

And a whole lot more of pictures. The ones who matter already have them, i think. If you don't just ask me for 'em. Anyways, here's wat i got for my bday:

A bottle from the previous night, a very expensive jacket and a football

And last but not least, my very own Olympus FE-230

Had a nite out with old school friends too. The 5 of us (amanda, elaine, erwin, sue ann) went to this place called Station One in ss15, where EVERYONE was chinese and they even had this chinese live band! If that wasn't enough, they made those entertainers on stage sing me a birthday song:

Now that's a birthday to remember

Fun in the sun

2007-03-28T16:48:00.000+08:00

So i haven't updated in a while, that's only because i was busy with assignments, lab reports, projects and tests. Life of an engineering student. Still, I managed to squeeze in some time with friends, play basketball and futsal and all the other stuff. Sometimes i feel like it's the other way round, the engineering work squeezed in between the fun times. Procrastination seems to be the order of the day, or in my case, the order of everyday!

I know it happened months ago, but the lagoon trip with the guys were great! Us acting like kids, having a pretty care-free day. I need more of these kind of days. Anyways, belatedly, here are some pictures of us in 'action':

Fun in the Sun!

If

2007-02-28T12:58:00.000+08:00

If
If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn't a lie,
Life would be delight,--
But things couldn't go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn't be I

If earth was heaven and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I'd be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn't be you.

If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
Things would seem fair,--
Yet they'd all despair,
For if here was there
We wouldn't be we.

E.E. Cummings

Found this poem by accident. I was watching some movie on tv last night, and the actress read a poem by this guy, E.E. Cummings. I thought it was worth checking out, then i found the poem above. No poetry writing from me anytime soon, though. I'm no poet.

Interesting concept, no? If things were different, we wouldn't be who we are. But have we not wished for things to be different at one, or various points in our lives? I know i certainly have, many a times. It just goes to show how much we do things without thinking about the consequences, only to regret them later on.

So what can we do? I cannot pretend to know the answer, as i battle with my demons every day, as we all do. But we're only human right? We make mistakes, we learn from it, we grow stronger. That's how life works. 'Cause the more you try not to make mistakes, the more you try and conform to peer pressure, the more you try to blend in with your surroundings, the more you try to be who you're not, the more, in my opinion, you make mistakes. I've made mistakes, countless of 'em. And i do wish things were different, i do ask the "why's" and the "what if's". But if we didn't make those mistakes we so badly wished we didn't, as Mr. Cummings so aptly put it,

We wouldn't be we.

On this day...

2007-02-14T03:24:00.000+08:00

So it's Valentine's Day! Naturally, i'd have things to say. Plus someone said that all guys were hot hot chicken poop(direct translation) when it comes to blogging, so it's up to me to defend us males, no? Anyways, back to topic at hand. Valentine's Day. A day where the singles are reminded that they're dateless while the ones in a relationship realise that they're being exploited for all their money for a bunch of roses, chocolates and dinner. People i know have been telling me that Valentine's Day means nothing to them. It's just another day, only more expensive. It is true, but V-Day did mean something to me back when i was in a relationship. There was this voice in my head, it gave me good advice. It told me not to screw things up with this girl on this day if i wanted a smooth night, a smooth relationship. Talk about having a street-wise muse.

But, me being me, i did screw things up. Several times. I remember going out with this girl just 'cause it was V-Day. I was 16 then. Ended the thing barely 2 weeks into the "relationship" 'cause my heart wasn't in there. Then there was this Valentine's Day where i brought this girl to this restaurant in Subang Parade. I thought this restaurant was a posh one, so i made plans, went early to reserve a table, wore my best clothes, the girl was in a cute dress. Turned out the "posh" restaurant was not what i had in mind. Uncles wearing slippers, families with crying babies, below average food. Let's just say that it was an unforgettable day, only for how bad it went. Finally there was this time when i had to work, so my girl at that time and i had cake to celebrate the momentous day. After cake i got her a cab, sent her on her way and i went off to work.

So we've established that i wasn't the most romantic fella there ever was. I tried, it's just that all my efforts tanked miserably. I guess saving all my money and splashing it on someone special just ain't gonna cut it anymore eh? Tricky bastards, relationships. Be all macho and manly, you're an unsensitive pig who doesn't have feelings, cold, "don't you care about me?". Be the sensitive guy, you're girly, weepy, "why don't you be more manly?". So you see the predicament us guys are in? So don't get into a relationship, you say. Ah, but what would you be pining for, wishing for when you feel all alone, no special person to talk to, no one to hold you? One thing i've learned, is that the ability to feel is the best and worst thing your could have in life. Feelings dictate every aspect of your life, from how you wear your hair to how you talk to someone. That's how i feel anyways.

What am i doing for Valentine's Day this year? I'll be waking up early, shoot a few hoops, read the newspaper while sipping coffee, clean my room(hopefully), and see where the day takes me.

Why? What're you doing?

Sad Eyes

2007-02-01T19:46:00.000+08:00

So i'm finally done with work, after 2 months of engineer-sy stuff. One thing i can say about my experience there is that i'm not ready. I'm not ready for the waking up at 7am and sleepng at 10pm. I'm not ready for a 9 hours a day, 5 days a week job. I'm not ready for the office politics, the gossiping and complaining 'bout your co-workers. I'm not ready to say "no" when my friends ask me out 'cause i have work to do. Basically, i'm not ready to grow up. But i did feel a little sad when i left the building for the last time. Just a little though. Now it's just 3 weeks of nothingness, just putting my feet up and getting some well-earned rest.

But, there is something that's been bothering me. It's something someone said which i just can't get out of my head. A person who barely knew me told me that i take life too seriously. That i take it all in, keeping it all to myself. That i matured too quickly. Recently my cousin saw me doing something i normally wouldn't have done (nothing that bad), and he asked me what was wrong. It was like he could see the sadness in my eyes, the change in me. It is true i guess, to some extent. I always feel like i carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I do think i've loosened up a little, done things i'd be conservative about in the past. Enjoyed my sports, hanging out with friends, meeting new people. I even hung out with my brother and cousin! People who know me should be gasping by now. Who knew family outings could be so much fun? And who can forget, those 2 immortal words i'll never forget, i dont think:

"Australia eh?"

Oh-Seven

2007-02-01T12:47:00.000+08:00

Two-oh-oh-seven! I always like to usher in the new year with enthusiasm, hoping, like i do every year, that this might be the year. The year i score in my studies, the year i finally achieve my life-long dream of making a slam dunk(it's not supposed to be funny), the year i finally come out of my shell. Relationships? If it happens, it happens eh? No point setting myself a target of getting into one and end up getting disappointed when it doesn't happen or rush into one and endure another bitter experience.

With every new year, i just smile(or frown) at the memories of the previous year. Hard to imagine 365 days ago, i was just analysing 2005. But anyways, here's my list of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of 2006:

The Good

The absolute best thing that's happened to me in 2006 is definitely having the friends i have. I am eternally grateful to them for helping me pull through one of the worst, if not the worst experience of my 20 years of life(see The Ugly). Without them, i don't know what i would've done.

F.A.G. I never realised how important they are to me until recently. They are, as the adage goes, friends indeed. The company, the talks, the yamcha sessions, the basketball, the clubbing, it's all FAG.

My engineering mates. The futsal, the basketball, the pushing-me-to-study-when-all-i-wanted-to-do-was-sit-in-a-corner-and-weep. If you think engineers are boring, hardworking fellas, you haven't seen these people yet.

My CPU friends. We talk nonsense, we do nonsense, we make no sense. But we somehow still manage to function, and that's what's great about it.

There are of course so many more of friends who have been great to me, but there are no pictures of them. I wasn't exactly a picture-taking enthusiast. You know who you are.

Other great memories of 2006:

The Monash basketball team of 2006. We were young and inexperienced, but damn we had team spirit. Everyone cheered everyone, everyone had each other's back. One of the best teams i've been in.

5 may not be a big number for some, but it certainly is for me. With 3 basketball medals and 2 for futsal, i'd say i had the best sporting year.

The Bad
I can only think of one under this category, which would be my results. 2006 wasn't my best academic year, so i'll have to work harder if i want to be in Australia in July 2007.

The Ugly
What else? A failed relationship. No details needed on why it failed, no point hurting myself or the other person. Let's just say i've never felt as low as i've felt for the 2-3 months of 2006. The sleepless nights, the staring into space, the constant sobbing, the anger, the hurt. It's left an emotional scar, for sure, but that's part of living life, no? I can only learn from this experience.

So that's my Good, Bad and Ugly list of 2006. Many more ups than downs, for sure. You would think that after all the experiences i've had last year i would've learnt a few things. Well, i have:

Things Vjay have learnt in 2006:
1) If one cannot dance, one will not be a better dancer after one drinks. Especially if one cannot drink.
2) One will not lose weight by eating more than one exercises.
3) Having a 'vintage'(read:big and old) camera is not as cool as one thinks. One's camera now rests snugly at home, never to be brought outdoors again.

Happy 2007 everyone!

Act the fool

2006-12-18T19:44:00.000+08:00

Alcohol. Coveted by many, misused by all. Brings even the most decent person down when overconsumed. That person was me a week ago. Worse, it was Ladies Night! Made a fool of myself doing well, things we shall not speak of. It's never fun waking up the next morning and grimacing at the memories of the past night. Then you hope your friends were too wasted to remember what you did. No such luck. But all in all, it was an enjoyable night. It always is when you have something to talk about the next day. Now that's a sign of a fun night out. Though it's not as fun when people are talking about stuff you barely remember. And it was about you!

Note to self: Do NOT make self a subject of the day-after conversations after every clubbing session.

Spending RM200 in 4 days was not the best financial decision i've made. Not when i haven't gotten my first paycheck. Puked out a hundred, ate the other hundred. If you get what i mean. Hyundai's back, so spent the weekend with him and Bin.

Me and Hyundai laughing at Bin's "how-i-got-my-camera" story

This is us getting frustrated at the mamak man for his inability to press the bloody button on the camera

Liz joined us a 'lil while later

Chose the wrong time to fall sick. In December! When everyone's back, when trips are planned, when money's spent. Feeling pretty lethargic lately, but nothing a good outing with friends won't cure.

No sickness is gonna hold me back from having my fun.

Weekends

2006-12-09T08:21:00.000+08:00

You never really appreciate the weekends until you start working. You start to look forward to Thursday, which means Friday's coming, which means the weekend's coming! But surprisingly work has been pretty ok. Was half expecting some grumpy old engineer who starts telling everybody(me) off for not knowing something or not doing a good job. Though i haven't done any real engineering work to date, i was still made to feel important, like what i do really helps them. They actually listen to my comments and opinions and take me seriously, which is a nice change. Having 2 young-ish female supervisors and a female colleague turned out to be quite fun. All the while i had this impression that being an engineer will mean leaving your sense of fun and humour at the door, but these girls certainly know how to laugh and have a good time. Though it really baffles me as to why the boss' secretary keeps calling me Jaya. I have a name tag, damnit!

How do you know when to say the right words at the right time? What is the right word and when is the right time? How do you know what you say might not offend or anger another person? Do you risk incurring the wrath/annoyance/sadness of someone just so you can convey your feelings/opinion? Or do you play it safe and keep it all in so everyone's happy, but you? This applies to everything you do, be it at work, trying to impress someone you like, or just talking with friends.

Just a thought.

On another note, i've finally figured out how to post pictures! Turns out the icon was staring at me right in the face all along. Further proof why i'm Computer-Related-Stuff Dummy of the Year. Might as well reveal how i haven't figured out how to install my webcam or skype or download songs. But i figured out how to post pictures, so i'll figure out the other stuff eventually right? Right?

Here's what i wore to the club last week. Quite appropriate huh?

Law of Averages

2006-12-02T10:33:00.000+08:00

Rearranging the spare parts library and data entry. Not the most exciting of work for my first day on the job, is it? That's what i got, though i'm not one to complain. Working at the same company as my dad has it's pros and cons. On one hand, i'm pretty famous among the staff. On the other, everyone says that they're gonna give me a hard time cos i'm my dad's son. They did laugh when they said it, so i assumed that they were joking. Or were they? Are they all secretly frustrated with my dad and see this as the perfect oppurtunity to take revenge on his innocent son? I'll have to watch my back.

Results were out a couple of days back. And, i didn't do very well. Didn't fail anything, but didn't get the best of results either. Though i have to admit that i'm relieved i survived this semester, considering all the emotional baggage i've been carrying all semester long. But it's no excuse, and now the Australian dream hangs in the balance. No choice but to roll my sleeves and work harder for the upcoming semester. But, with every bad news comes a good one. Hence, the law of averages. Had the unexpectedly good news a few days ago, which was more than enough to equalize the bad one. What's the good news? Not telling.

The sight of five twenty year olds in a car singing along to Light N Easy on full blast is well, uncommon. But that's what happened. In actual truth, only 2 sang while another(me) was too self-conscious to sing with his sometimes croaky sometimes high-pitched voice. Went to the PC Fair yesterday, and i got myself new computer stuff. On the way there it hit me-before yesterday, i hadn't been to KL for more than a year! And i'm a supposed to be a KL-ite. Hanging head in shame aside, at my continuous attempt at keeping myself in the loop with the "technology" stuff, i got myself a new mouse, a webcam and a headset with a microphone. They may not be anything to shout about, but for those of you who know me, you'd know it's a big step for me. I'll figure out how to use them... eventually. I know how to use the mouse. Figured that out.

My 3 new stuff

I don't remember having as much fun as i had last night in a long time. And it wasn't just the alcohol. Didn't drink that much anyways. Contrary to certain beliefs, i wasn't drunk. I wasn't. Just a lil happy. Anyways, a bunch of us went to this club in KL to celebrate two of our friends' birthdays. It was pretty eventful to say the least. Not going to delve into details, 'cause whatever happens in the club stays in the club. Hopefully. All in all we had a good night. Morning. Whatever.

My head still hurts a little.

Sleep, Interrupted

2006-11-24T22:52:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how the world seems different when you've been up for over 24 hours and try as you might, the state of unconsciousness just would not come. The humming of the fridge's just a tad louder, the game on your computer just loads a lil slower, siblings are just a lil more annoying, waking you up for the the unlikeliest of reasons. Heck, you're even more good looking looking back at the mirror! The past 2 weeks or so has been crazy for me, where my sleeping time's anywhere between 7-8 am till 2-3 pm. It's the result of constant intakes of coffee during the exam season, studying till the wee hours of the morning. Let's hope the sacrifice's worth it. Now everytime i try to catch up on lost sleep, there's always something or someone interrupting my precious slumber time. The result? A cranky 20 year old who thinks he's good looking between the hours of 1-5 am.

I promised myself one thing when i finally decided to take the plunge with this whole blogging thing -that i'd only post interesting stuff. I don't want to be those type who blogs everyday about every single event in their lives, which may look something like this:
"Today i woke up at 8am. After making my bed, i proceeded to brush my teeth for roughly a minute. I then switched on my laptop so i can continue telling everybody about my life. As i waited for the computer to load, i wondered if i should've skipped the boring part like brushing my teeth and proceed to the good part like what i had for breakfast today...."

Something like that.

First entry

2006-11-23T17:37:00.000+08:00

First entries. Not unlike making a first impression on your new boss/friend/girl who actually didn't ignore you and said yes when you asked her out/etc.. Play it safe, and you'll be labelled boring. Go wild, a wannabe who's trying too hard. Be yourself? Really? Think 'bout it and proceed to nod your head in agreement.

To me a blog is like big 'ol diary. Only that it's not private. Only that anyone can access it. Only that they can write what they want on it. So how is it like a diary? I don't know. Because let's face it, you want people to read your blog, and you'd be darn disappointed if they don't. Unless you're those type who "doesn't care what people think". Scientists have recently diagnosed this disease as lyingtoyourselfitis.

To be honest, i never thought i'd actually venture into this uncharted territory. Where people can read what you write and judge you. Where you have to think about every word you type, if it's offensive to others or not. Because no matter how much you say a blog is about being yourself, you do wonder what others think about it. If they like it, if they find it dull, if it's funny, etc.. What really amuses(and bemuses) me is when people say that others don't have the right to intrude on your private life, but when you put up your 'private' life on the net, you really have no case do you?

So this is my blog. Once you couple boredom with the need to express oneself, you have a blog. I am still very much an amateur at this, so any useful tips or advice are welcome. I mean, c'mon la, until now i still don't know how to download songs! Be warned though, that i am very much Malaysian. The use of la's and mah's might not be uncommon. The vocabs, grammar, punctuations, structure and whatnot may not be perfect but hey, i'm not perfect. I have neither the qualms nor intentions to own the best blog in town, so don't hold your breath.

This should be enough for a first entry, no? I wonder if the girl'll go out on a second date after this.